IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Happiness is considered very important in life, but it is hard to define. Why is happiness difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?

#happiness #life #factors
It is true that
happiness
 plays a significant role in our life,
while
Correct word choice
but
show examples
people
 can seldom define it precisely. Defining
happiness
 can be
such
 a tough question because of different personal
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
,
however
, by finding
appropriate
Correct article usage
the appropriate
show examples
 approach, everyone can achieve their own
happiness
 even though different
people
 may have different opinions on it.
Happiness
 can be difficult to define mainly
due to
 the fact that individual requirement is not all the same. To be specific,
people
 who are struggling with
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of food or clothes
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 may pay more attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 how to figure out their living problems,
hence
, they will urgently attribute all of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their work to generate enough money for living, in
this
 occasion, they may define
happiness
 as having a spacious place to live, or having sufficient food to eat. Compared with
low
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
income
people
,
people
 with higher
income
 may have already fulfilled their basic safety and physiological needs, they probably are prone to focus on how to achieve phycological needs,
such
 as esteem, self-authentication, and even transcendence,
instead
 of defining
happiness
 as having enough necessities, the majority of them will define
happiness
 as the fulfilment of mental demands. Given the fact that
people
 tend to have
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
definition
Fix the agreement mistake
definitions
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
happiness
, I hold that
people
 can achieve it by different methods. For the
low
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
income
 group, survival is their first principle, which means,
income
 and living environment are the most important factor for them,
hence
, finding
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
stable work or a high payment part-time job may be crucial for them to achieve
happiness
.
However
,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
high
Add a hyphen
high-income
show examples
income
people
, they may already have a highly rewarding
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, so some emotional factors,
such
 as family
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
, and social esteem can have a larger impact on their
happiness
. In conclusion,
although
happiness
 is hard to define, different
people
 can achieve it by different means.
Submitted by 1336267282 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: