Some people believe that teaching music in schools is vital, while others think it is unnecessary (opinion)

#people #music #schools

Certain

imdividuals

Correct your spelling

individuals

believe that

music

educatiob

Correct your spelling

education

school

is important,

while

others consider that it is needless. In my opinion, teaching

music

is important for

students

, who

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

potential in it. Pupils that do not think that they need

this

subject

should not be forced to participate. For some

students

going to

music

classes are important and they need it.

School

Fix the agreement mistake

Schools

show examples

can not cancel

this

subject

just

beacuse

Correct your spelling

because

others think

otherwise

. Pupils learn new notes,

song

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songs

show examples

Correct word choice

and instrument

show examples

instrument

Fix the agreement mistake

instruments

show examples

during the lessons. Teachers teach them how to sing, use their voice and how

Change preposition

apply

show examples

breath

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breathe

show examples

properly. One of my classmates is a great example of it.

While

we had

music

class in secondary

school

she learned a lot of

thing

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things

show examples

and now she lives in Turkey and sings there. She imbibed all the information that

tutor

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the tutor

show examples

gave us and used it.

On the other hand

music

lesson

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lessons

show examples

are

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apply

show examples

the most

unncessary

Correct your spelling

unnecessary

classes.

Fix the agreement mistake

Students

show examples

Student

Add an article

A student

The student

show examples

that

Change the verb form

does

show examples

not want to sing or can sing can not see any point in

this

kind of

lessons

Fix the agreement mistake

lesson

show examples

. They do not want to play

Change preposition

apply

show examples

any of the instruments, they do not

wat

Correct your spelling

want

show examples

to sing or do anything

that is

related to

muic

Correct your spelling

music

. I was one of these

students

. I know that I am not good

Change preposition

show examples

performing. I felt that I am

waisting

Correct your spelling

wasting

show examples

my time

during

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show examples

that

subject

. I could have done something that was really interesting for me. In conclusion,

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show examples

want to say that,

music

lessons are not for everybody.

In addition

, I want to say that it should be in

school

Add an article

the school

a school

show examples

programme.

However

students

should not be forced to participate. Pupils who want to learn how to sing, play

Change preposition

apply

show examples

instruments and

others thing

Fix the agreement mistake

other things

show examples

should take part. Other scholars can choose another

subject

to join.

Submitted by salta.Zh on Sun Feb 26 2023

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

292 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that teaching music in schools is vital, while others think it is unnecessary (opinion)

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Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?