IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#land #three #regions #world #summarise #information #features #comparisons
A glance at the pie chart provided reveals
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the major
reasons
 that lead to
land
degradation
.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
,Meanwhile
show examples
 the table depicts how these
reasons
 could
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
3 parts of the world in1990s. As it is clear,over-grazing,first of all, is the biggest
causes
Fix the agreement mistake
cause
show examples
 of
land
degradation
 with 35%
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
worldwide.
In addition
,deforestation and over-cultivation are
also
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 main
reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 problems in these countries with
30percent
Correct your spelling
30 percent
 and 28
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 respectively in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
north
Change the capitalization
North
show examples
 America,Europe and Oceania.
Furthermore
,7
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 has
allocated
Add a missing verb
been allocated
show examples
 to other
reasons
 for
degradation
. One particular point that
highlighted
Add a missing verb
is highlighted
show examples
 by the figure is that,among
3
Correct article usage
the 3
show examples
nations,Europe had the greatest proportion of
degradation
Replace the word
degraded
show examples
land
,during
1990s
Change the article
the 1990s
show examples
,at 23
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.And
biggest
Correct article usage
the biggest
show examples
 factor was not over-grazing but deforestation with 9.8
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Secondly
,in Oceania with a total of 13%
land
degradation
 could
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its
land
.And over-grazing in Oceania is the biggest element of
degradation
 with 11.3% .North America had less influence by
degradation
 in
1990s
Change the article
the 1990s
show examples
 with a total of 5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Submitted by marzieh.kiani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words reasons, land, degradation, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pie chart
  • Table
  • Main features
  • Comparisons
  • Decreasing productivity
  • Reasons
  • Regional variations
  • Data
  • Summarize
What to do next:
Look at other essays: