Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #happiness #success #factors

There is no doubt that these days some

people

believe that in order to live a happy life you have to succeed in your profession.

However

, as there are other

people

who think that there are other factors as well which decide

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

one's

Correct your spelling

internal

interenal

Correct your spelling

internal

happiness

, I agree with

this

second statement In terms of the individuals' economic success, personal

happiness

usually

Add a missing verb

is usually

show examples

steadily connected with wealth and material possessions.

In other words

, many

people

charge their internal

happiness

from earning more money and owning additional valuable assets.

For instance

, a study in Britain

sowed

Correct your spelling

showed

show examples

that most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

individuals

Add an article

the individuals

show examples

who were involved in the study

declare

Wrong verb form

declared

show examples

that 90% of

there

Correct your spelling

their

show examples

real

happiness

comes from living in a bigger home and possessing a better car.

Thus

, for some communities, the amount of money and possessions which individuals have could play a key role in their personal

happiness

However

, there are other factors which decide

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

one's internal

happiness

. One of which, would unsurprisingly be raising a family. To illustrate, some

people

find their true

happiness

in bringing up their children and teaching them how to be successful

people

in the

futur

Correct your spelling

future

Secondly

, as we need to feel that we are doing something useful to our lives, religion or having a sense of purpose may take a huge part of our personal

happiness

Also

, spending time with family members and friends,

practicing

Change the spelling

practising

show examples

our unique hobbies,

playing

Correct word choice

and playing

show examples

our favourite games, usually give us a lot of fun and enjoyment. In conclusion,

although

money plays a major role

Change preposition

show examples

making someone happy, there are other ways to be truly thrilled as well. Personally, I believe that a human's

interenal

Correct your spelling

internal

happiness

comes from other significant factors rather than only

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

economic success.

Submitted by shahdhaouaria on Mon Feb 27 2023

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

286 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

children are now less active in their free time than in the past therefore sports lessons must be compulsory in schools To what extent Do you agree or decide we give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace every day. Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvatages?