IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #happiness #success #factors
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There is no doubt that these days some
people
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 believe that in order to live a happy life you have to succeed in your profession.
However
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, as there are other
people
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 who think that there are other factors as well which decide
the
Correct article usage
apply
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one's
Correct your spelling
internal
interenal
Correct your spelling
internal
happiness
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, I agree with
this
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 second statement In terms of the individuals' economic success, personal
happiness
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usually
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is usually
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 steadily connected with wealth and material possessions.
In other words
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, many
people
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 charge their internal
happiness
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 from earning more money and owning additional valuable assets.
For instance
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, a study in Britain
sowed
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showed
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 that most
of
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apply
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individuals
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the individuals
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 who were involved in the study
declare
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declared
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 that 90% of
there
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their
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 real
happiness
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 comes from living in a bigger home and possessing a better car.
Thus
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, for some communities, the amount of money and possessions which individuals have could play a key role in their personal
happiness
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.
However
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, there are other factors which decide
the
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apply
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one's internal
happiness
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. One of which, would unsurprisingly be raising a family. To illustrate, some
people
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 find their true
happiness
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 in bringing up their children and teaching them how to be successful
people
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 in the
futur
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future
.
Secondly
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, as we need to feel that we are doing something useful to our lives, religion or having a sense of purpose may take a huge part of our personal
happiness
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.
Also
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, spending time with family members and friends,
practicing
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practising
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 our unique hobbies,
playing
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and playing
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 our favourite games, usually give us a lot of fun and enjoyment. In conclusion,
although
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 money plays a major role
of
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in
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 making someone happy, there are other ways to be truly thrilled as well. Personally, I believe that a human's
interenal
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internal
happiness
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 comes from other significant factors rather than only
their
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apply
show examples
economic success.
Submitted by shahdhaouaria on

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