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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market.

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market.
#show #japanese #tourists #australia’s #tourist #market
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The graphs illustrate the number of
Japanese
Use synonyms
citiziens
Correct your spelling
citizens
 that travelled outside Japan for
touristic
Replace the word
tourist
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 reasons from 1985 and 1995 and the percentage of them that went to Australia between 1985 and 1994. Immediately, it can be seen how these two trends share some similarities, but
also
Linking Words
 have some great differences, especially in some crucial years. Regarding the number of
Japanese
Use synonyms
 tourists abroad, it can be seen how there are three different trends in the considered period.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the one going from 1985 to 1990,
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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saw a sharp rise from 5 million people going abroad to more than 10
millions
Change to singular
million
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. After that, there were four years of more or less
steadyness
Correct your spelling
steadiness
, concluded in 1993, when
the
Correct article usage
apply
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overseas
travels
Fix the agreement mistake
travel
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 interested 12 million people.
Finally
Linking Words
, in 1994 and 1995 the great increase resumed, with almost 16 million people that took a trip out of the State.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the percentage of
Use synonyms
japanese
Change the capitalization
Japanese
show examples
 tourists in Australia saw a more variable tendency, that
colud
Correct your spelling
could
 be divided
in
Change the preposition
into
show examples
 three periods too.
Initially
Linking Words
, there was an upward trend, in which the proportion passed from 2% to 5% of total
Japanese
Use synonyms
 travellers, from 1985 to 1988. The next year, there was a significant decrease, after which a more steady rise happened, reaching 6% in 1993.
Linking Words
At
Change the preposition
In
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 the end, in 1994 there was another minor decrease. In conclusion, it can be stated that, even if some differences can be noted, the two charts seem related between them.
This
Linking Words
 could be explained by the fact that a non-indifferent amount of new tourists decided to visit Australia.
Submitted by formaggio124 on

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words japanese with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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