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Writing Samples
Band 5

The graph below shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#people #states #time #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line graph elucidates the data on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
how senior people have been spending their leisure time during the 30 years from 1980, in the UK
Overall
Linking Words
, at the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
,all indexes had experienced an upward trend except for going to the theatre.
Moreover
Linking Words
, demand for hiking always had been actual in comparison with the ones for remaining figures, which incredibly rocketed throughout the
period
Use synonyms
. In 1940, just 60% of elders actively watched TV, compared to about 6% of senior people
spent
Correct pronoun usage
who spent
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 their spare time surfing the internet, and well over 50% for the theatre. In
case
Correct article usage
the case
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 of hiking and reading
activities
Add a comma
,activities
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 there was almost the same indicator 30% for reading and 20% for hiking. Going to the theatre remained relatively unchanged,
besides
Linking Words
, they were at their lowest in 1990. Regarding surfing the internet, the trend gradually increased until 2000 and unexpectedly soared to 60% since
then
Linking Words
. Watching TV had been substantially higher
all-time
Change preposition
at all-time
show examples
 in comparison with other activities. With regards to hiking, the figure quadrupled over the same
period
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the number of readers decreased to 20% and dramatically shot up reaching a peak towards the end of the
period
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by amanbeksoultangazy on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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