IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

‘Children who have brothers and sisters often have better social development than an only child. The government should therefore give money to parents to have two or more children.’ What do you think about this proposal?

#‘children #brothers #sisters #development #child #government #money #parents #two #children
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the heir who has siblings often has better social maturity than a youngster without brothers and sisters. The authorities should
also
Linking Words
 give cash to
parents
Use synonyms
 to have two or more
children
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. Personally, I believe that having brothers and sisters in our life is the best thing that ever happens to us,
however
Linking Words
, not all
parents
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 can have more offspring than two or three, as they do not have enough money for child
support
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 case, the government should help a young family to grow by paying child
support
Use synonyms
. Today, most young families have got one youngster as they do not have enough cash to bring their kids , so in that ,position authorities should help
parents
Use synonyms
 by paying kid
support
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, when they want to have kids more than one . heir with folk will grow up with less stress in their lives as their brothers and sisters help them to be a part of
this
Linking Words
 society.
Moreover
Linking Words
, only offspring will have more problems in the future
due to
Linking Words
 their selfishness.
For example
Linking Words
, the group will learn how to share since their childhood, but not only
children
Use synonyms
 as he or she was
risen
Verb problem
raised
show examples
 as special.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the government can help young folks
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
raise their offspring without any need by paying them youth payments, which in the future
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
kids will play an important role in
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
society.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, both
parents
Use synonyms
 should have taken a job where authorities can help them to earn pay.
For instance
Linking Words
, if only the father or mother of the child works in one family sooner or later they can not pay taxes and become homeless.
As a result
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 will grow up without their folks. In conclusion,
children
Use synonyms
 should have siblings as they will be much more appreciative in the future and the government should paychecks to
parents
Use synonyms
 to
support
Use synonyms
 young families.
Submitted by sherzod5574485 on

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task response
The essay addresses the topic but lacks depth and development. It needs to provide more comprehensive analysis and relevant arguments.
coherence cohesion
There is some coherence and cohesion in the essay, but the logical structure may be unclear at times. More attention to organization and linking of ideas is needed.
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