IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that time spent on electronic games can be valuable for children. Others believe this has negative effects on a child. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #games #children #effects #child
people
 have different views regards to
usage
 of
video
games
.few masses opine that time given to
video
games
 will be precious.,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 others think
this
 has a detrimental effect on teenagers.
according to
 me .
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree with the latter viewpoint because playing more videos can make young
people
 lazy. It is somewhat true that the
usage
 of computer
games
 can have good effects on the life of
children
.
video
games
 have abilities to increase the power of imagination and make
children
's having good focusing power.
besides
 that animated
games
also
 boosts their skills in solving problems which helps them to increase their score in academics.
For example
 .on a survey it has been noticed that the
people
 who play
video
games
 a lot have good capabilities to solve a mental ability question more quickly in comparison to ordinary
people
.
thus
, playing
video
games
 is
also
 crucial for students. Despite the fact that
video
games
video
 has various benefits,why some
people
 see them as a negative development because these days with the coming of electronic game youngster forget the value of physical sports which leads to obesity and health issues at a very early age.
furthermore
,
video
games
 are more important to
children
 and they are busy the whole day playing
video
games
 which are not only harmful to the eyes of the
children
 but
also
 threaten their academic results.since they are unable to give sufficient time to their studies.
therefore
 the set limit on the
usage
 of electronic is equally important. In conclusion,
although
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
video
 game has a significant amount of advantages we should fix the amount of
usage
 for
children
 to get the best result.
Submitted by anksah2000 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: