IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in rich countries. Discuss ways to solve the problem. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#obesity #countries #support
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The number of
people
Use synonyms
 who are gaining
weight
Use synonyms
 is increasing in many countries, mainly in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high income
Add a hyphen
high-income
show examples
 countries.
This
Linking Words
 is one of the main issues that nations need to consider.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss two main solutions to
this
Linking Words
 problem.
The
Correct article usage
Obesity
show examples
obesity
Use synonyms
 is a serious issue that can cause damage to individuals’ health
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 to old
people
Use synonyms
. One of the solutions is to improve the advertisement by health ministries to give a clear picture of what
humen
Correct your spelling
humans
 can lose because of
obesity
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in
Europe
Add a comma
,Europe
show examples
 they try to show a lot of advertisements
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their TV channels or radio stations to elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 sickness of being obese and the
benifts
Correct your spelling
benefits
 of eating healthy food,
as a result
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 start to get influenced by it and start to eat
healthy
Change the adjective
healthily
show examples
 and reduce their
weight
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
private
Correct article usage
the private
show examples
sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
show examples
 should help the government by making a special discount for the
people
Use synonyms
 who are having more
weight
Use synonyms
 to join a sports club and provide them with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nutirtion
Correct your spelling
nutrition
plans
Fix the agreement mistake
plan
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the USA a number of gyms give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who suffer from
obesity
Use synonyms
 a 50 per cent discount for
1 year
Add a hyphen
1-year
show examples
subsicription
Correct your spelling
subscription
along with
Linking Words
 a special coach who
trines
Correct your spelling
tries
 them 3 times a week and provides them with a food plan, and because of that a large number of
people
Use synonyms
 lose their
weight
Use synonyms
 and they start to live a healthy lifestyle. In conclusion,
obesity
Use synonyms
 is a very serious sickness that many
people
Use synonyms
 are suffering from, and that can be the main reason
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 are getting sick and
many
Add a missing verb
having many
show examples
 heart problems. All countries should take it seriously recognize
this
Linking Words
 issue and provide a proper solution, like using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology to
advice
Replace the word
advise
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals or making good offers from private companies.
Submitted by alrahbi9222 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: