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Band 4.5

Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in rich countries. Discuss ways to solve the problem. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#obesity #countries #support
The number of
people
 who are gaining
weight
 is in an increase in many countries, mainly in the
high income
Add a hyphen
high-income
show examples
 countries.
Moreover
,
this
 is one of the main issues that nations need to consider.
This
 essay will discuss two main solutions to
this
 problem.
The
Correct article usage
Obesity
show examples
obesity
 is a serious issue that can cause damage to
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
show examples
 health
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 to old
people
. One of the solutions is to improve the advertisement by health ministries to give a clear picture of what
humen
Correct your spelling
humans
 can lose because of
obesity
.
For example
, in Europe they try to show a lot of
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their tv channels or radio stations to elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 sickness of
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
obesity
 and the
benifts
Correct your spelling
benefits
 of eating healthy food,
as a result
, many
people
 start to get
influence
Wrong verb form
influenced
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 it and start to eat
healthy
Change the adjective
healthily
show examples
 and reduce their
weight
.
Furthermore
,
private
Correct article usage
the private
show examples
sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
show examples
 should help the government by making a special discount for the
people
whos
Correct your spelling
who
show examples
 having more
weight
 to join a sports club and provide them with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nutirtion
Correct your spelling
nutrition
 plans. In an instant, in the USA a number of gyms give the
people
 who
suffers
Change the verb form
suffer
show examples
 from
obesity
 a 50 per cent discount for
1 year
Add a hyphen
1-year
show examples
subsicription
Correct your spelling
subscription
along with
 a special couch
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 trined them 3 times a week and provide them
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
food plan, and because of that a large number of
people
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 their
weight
 and they start to live a healthy lifestyle. In conclusion,
Obesity
 is a very serious sickness that many
people
 are suffering from, and that can be the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a lot of society getting sick and many heart problems. All countries should take it
Change the adjective
seriously
show examples
serious
Replace the word
seriously
show examples
 and recognize
this
 issue and provide a proper solution, like
use
Change the form of the verb
using
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology to
advice
Replace the word
advise
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals or making
a good offers
Correct the article-noun agreement
a good offer
good offers
show examples
 from private companies.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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