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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think a job not only provides income but also social life. Others think it is better to develop social life with people you do not work with. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #job #income #life #work
Few
people
 believe that jobs provide income
as well as
 social
life
.
While
 others argue that social
life
 should be developed with
people
 outside of employment. I support the latter argument. On the one hand, a percentage of the public believes that a job provides income
along with
 social
life
.
As the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 workplace becomes a second home as
people
 spend most time of their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 in their office provided that they
work
 at the same workplace. So, folks like to interact with their colleagues or employers so as to make their job easier.
Moreover
, they can help each other professionally, have fun
while
 working and make it a better place to
work
.
For instance
,
people
 who are working long hours can relieve their stress by having a cup of coffee with their colleagues.
This
 builds their bond and they can encourage and guide each other.
On the other hand
, there are communities who believe that developing social activity outside of the workplace is a better idea. When
people
 start developing relationships at the office there are high chances of getting deceived, involved in disputes and less productivity at
work
.
For instance
, in a software company, a person developed a design for a smartphone and shared his idea with a colleague.
However
,
this
 colleague deceived him and he stole the design and got recognition for the
work
.
This
 person who
initially
 developed the design for the product
got
Verb problem
was
show examples
 betrayed
due to
 his friendliness. In conclusion,
Although
 there are a few benefits of having
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social growth at
work
. In my opinion, it is better to have it outside the job so as to be safe as a precaution is better than a cure.
Submitted by sameerkm on

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task response
Ensure that your response directly addresses all aspects of the task. Provide a balanced discussion of both views, and give a clear opinion at the end.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay in a more logical structure. Use transition words to link ideas and improve the flow of the essay.
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