IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people think that hard work and dedication are essential for success. Others believe money and personal acceptance are more important ilets writing

#people #work #dedication #success #money #acceptance #ilets
It is certainly true that there are numerous factors behind every
success
. Some
people
 deem that hard
work
 and persistence are the primary facts orthotic help a person achieve
success
, but others argue that financial status and looks are more important. In my opinion, both views are valid as a combination of perseverance and
money
 is needed to achieve
success
.
People
 have valid reasons to support the view that hard
work
 and ambition are the keys key to
success
 in life.
Firstly
, everyone must do hard
work
 to acquire knowledge and experience because one can receive
money
 and support from
one’s
 family but, to get experience and skills one has to make efforts on
one’s
 own.
For instance
, students must study to pass the examinations; their parents cannot study on their behalf.
Secondly
, no target can be achieved without determination because persistence is the key to victory. So, one must strong willpower to give
one’s
 hundred
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to a goal.
On the other hand
,
people
 who advocate that good looks and
money
 are important for
success
 believe that good looks increase
one’s
 confidence which is a predominant factor of
success
. Nobody can accomplish even a small task if they do not consider themselves capable.
Therefore
, confidence is a must to win every race.
Apart from
this
,
money
 is considered important because it provides initial support to start a career.
People
 who are not insecure/stable/stable have to start things from scratch. In
this
 way, the
money
 saves the time and energy of initiators. To wrap up,
people
 must face so many difficulties to achieve
success
 and not all problems can be tackled by
money
 or hard
work
 alone.
That is
 why I think that all factors are important to be successful.
Submitted by yasmeen.almusllam00 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: