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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph show the average annual expenditure on cell phone and residential phone services

The graph show the average annual expenditure on cell phone and residential phone services
#show #expenditure #cell #phone #services
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The line graph compares
average
Correct article usage
the average
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 yearly spending by Americans on mobile and landline
phone
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 from 2001 to 2010.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 spending on landline phones fell steadily over the 10-year period,
while
Linking Words
 mobile
phone
Use synonyms
expenditure
Use synonyms
 rose quickly. The year 2006 marks the point at which
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on mobile
services
Use synonyms
 overtook that for residential
phone
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
. In 2001, US consumers spent an average of nearly $700 on residential
phone
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
, compared to only around $200 on cell
phone
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
. Over the following five years, average yearly spending on landlines dropped by nearly $200.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on mobiles rose by approximately $300. In the year 2006, the average American paid
out
Change preposition
apply
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the same amount of money on both types of
phone
Use synonyms
 service, spending just over $500 on each. By 2010,
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on mobile phones had reached around $750,
while
Linking Words
 the figure for spending on residential
services
Use synonyms
 had fallen to just over half
this
Linking Words
 amount.
Submitted by prostoy.pacan4ek on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words phone, services, expenditure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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