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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some people argue that parents have the most important role in their child's development. However, others say that other factors like TV or peer groups have the most significant influence. discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #role #child #development #factors #tv #peer #groups #influence
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It is often said that
parents
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 hold the key to their
children
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's future, but others argue that there are more influential factors
such
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 as various media and friends.
Although
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 other influences are becoming more powerful, I still believe that
parents
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 play the most decisive role in shaping a child's ability. Today, many
children
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 spend relatively much time away from their
parents
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. As the number of dual-income families increases, more
children
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 are allowed to watch TV or use the Internet. These factors are exposing
children
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 to both positive and negative external influences. Even if
parents
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 can control what happens at home,
children
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 are more likely to be influenced by their peers at school or go out to play with friends.
As a result
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,
children
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's development is clearly affected, for better or worse.
However
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, the value of
parents
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 in
children
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's development is clear. Needless to say,
children
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 want their
parents
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 to guide and support most of their basic needs, from eating to studying.
Therefore
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,
children
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's quality of life and education level
depends
Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
show examples
 on their
parents
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' affection and economic ability.
Furthermore
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, relationships between healthy
parents
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 and
children
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 should ensure that
children
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 abide by the laws and rules within the community. Because their values are often based on home guidance.
Children
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 who respect their
parents
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 are willing to abide by the rules and take care of others.
Children
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 who are guided by their
parents
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 are less likely to become sociopaths or criminals when they grow up. In conclusion, there are compelling arguments for and against the importance of
parents
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 in the development of a child, but I think it should be emphasized that
this
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 debate is actually an important role for
parents
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 to teach as spiritual pillars in a child's life.
Submitted by toybox29 on

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task response
Ensure that all the points are directly relevant to the topic and provide specific examples when supporting the main points.
coherence and cohesion
Organize the essay in a logical manner, making sure that each paragraph flows smoothly and connects back to the main topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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