Some people think a job not only provides income but also social life. Others think it is better to develop social life with people you do not work with. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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While
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there are a huge number of
people
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holding the point that we can keep good social relationships with folk whom we
work
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with, many others believe we should just get on well with those in daily activity. It is easy to understand these two points of view and I prefer to support the former one. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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hand, it is undoubtedly that getting too close to
people
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in the workplace is a bit unnecessity. One reason why
this
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is so is that
people
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here to
work
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are all obliged to conduct complex and highly required tasks which don't permit them extra time to get to each other very clearly. If they devote much of their time and energy
in deal
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to dealing
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with private relationships ,they might not focus on the performance which does harm the profit of the company. Something else to be taken into account is that
people
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tend to protect their private life which is only accepted by their families and friends and refuse to share a social life with
work
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fellows.
For instance
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, when they are falling in love with a boy or a girl ,they may just share the information with whom they trust and not let colleagues know.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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many
people
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who suggest we can earn a salary and make good friends at the same time. Indeed, many of us give great importance to interpersonal relationships. If you are working alongside
people
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you like and the atmosphere in the office is positive, you are much more likely to be satisfied with your
work
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.
Likewise
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, it is
also
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critical for you to build a strong relationship to earn support and personal influence. When you are prepared to get a promotion , it is the decisive factor whether you can earn the confidence of your superiors and get endorsed by your
exterior
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exteriors
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. In conclusion ,I would say that whether someone is willing to develop a fantastic social life with
people
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in the workplace is up to their own ,and I support the idea that we should get well with our fellows in the
meanwhile
Correct your spelling
meantime
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when we earn money.
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task response
The essay partially addresses the task but lacks in-depth discussion. More focus should be placed on clearly presenting both views and giving a more balanced opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but there is a need for clearer structuring and linking of ideas within paragraphs. Consider using more cohesive devices to improve overall coherence.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Income
  • Social network
  • Colleagues
  • Emotional support
  • Teamwork
  • Work-related challenges
  • Collaborative projects
  • Workplace events
  • Professional growth
  • Mentorships
  • Career advancement
  • Social life
  • Stress
  • Burnout
  • Diverse social life
  • Perspectives
  • Well-being
  • Mental health
  • Personal development
  • Professional life
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