IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the average number of Vietnamese studenta studying in France, Russia and America between 2000 and 2015.

The graph below shows the average number of Vietnamese studenta studying in France, Russia and America between 2000 and 2015.
#vietnamese #studenta #france #russia #america
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph provides data about the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
Vietnamese
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 studied in three different countries (France,
Russia
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
America
Correct word choice
and America
show examples
) for a 15-
year
Use synonyms
 period from 2000. The units are given in millions
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 in France
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
show a dramatic increase
while
Linking Words
Russia
Use synonyms
 had
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
 trend.There was a significant decline in the case of
Russia
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the same share for
America
Use synonyms
 followed an upward trend. In the initial
Use synonyms
year
Add a comma
,year
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
Vietnamese
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 in France witnessed a dramatic decrease from 3.5
million
Use synonyms
 to 2.5
million
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 figure stagnated unchanged till 2010.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 figure grew sharply
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
 4.6.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
Vietnamese
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 in
Russia
Use synonyms
 decreased significantly
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
 2.8
million
Use synonyms
 between 2000 and 2010.
Inspite
Correct your spelling
In spite
 of
this
Linking Words
, from
this
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 showed
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 rise and had the lowest share among others. In stark contrast, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
Vietnamese
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 in
America
Use synonyms
 had a dramatic increase till the end of
Add an article
the
show examples
period . In spite of the share for
America
Use synonyms
was
Replace the word
being
show examples
 the lowest (1.5)in the
intial
Correct your spelling
initial
year
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
year
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
it became
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
dominant among 3 countries with 5
million
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 in 2000. 197 words
Submitted by moxinurabjalilova on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words vietnamese, students, russia, america, number, year, million with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fluctuation
  • significant
  • examination
  • comparison
  • speculating
  • trend
  • analysis
  • influence
  • opportunities
  • conclusion
  • visa policies
  • educational opportunities
  • political relationships
What to do next:
Look at other essays: