The graph below shows the average number of Vietnamese studenta studying in France, Russia and America between 2000 and 2015.

The graph below shows the average number of Vietnamese studenta studying in France, Russia and America between 2000 and 2015.
The line graph provides data about the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
of
Vietnamese
students
studied in three different countries (France,
Russia
,
America
Correct word choice
and America
show examples
) for a 15-
year
period from 2000. The units are given in millions
Overall
,
it is clear that
the
number
of
students
in France
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
show a dramatic increase
while
Russia
had
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
trend.There was a significant decline in the case of
Russia
.
However
, the same share for
America
followed an upward trend. In the initial
year
Add a comma
,year
show examples
the
number
of
Vietnamese
students
in France witnessed a dramatic decrease from 3.5
million
to 2.5
million
and
this
figure stagnated unchanged till 2010.
However
,
this
figure grew sharply
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
4.6.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
number
of
Vietnamese
students
in
Russia
decreased significantly
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
2.8
million
between 2000 and 2010.
Inspite
Correct your spelling
In spite
of
this
, from
this
year
this
number
showed
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
rise and had the lowest share among others. In stark contrast, the
number
of
Vietnamese
students
in
America
had a dramatic increase till the end of
Add an article
the
show examples
period . In spite of the share for
America
was
Replace the word
being
show examples
the lowest (1.5)in the
intial
Correct your spelling
initial
year
year
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
it became
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
dominant among 3 countries with 5
million
students
in 2000. 197 words
Submitted by moxinurabjalilova on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words vietnamese, students, russia, america, number, year, million with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fluctuation
  • significant
  • examination
  • comparison
  • speculating
  • trend
  • analysis
  • influence
  • opportunities
  • conclusion
  • visa policies
  • educational opportunities
  • political relationships
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