IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

"Criminals commit crimes as soon as they are released from prisons. What are the causes of this? What are the effects?"

#criminals #crimes #prisons #effects
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There are increasing trends of committed crimes all around the world. These are sometimes linked to the tendency of ex-
criminals
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,
engaging
Change the verb form
to engage
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into
Change preposition
in
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 crime deeds again as soon as they are released from
jails
Fix the agreement mistake
jail
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.
While
Linking Words
society
Use synonyms
 can be considered as a prime cause for
this
Linking Words
, subsequent effects of causes are inevitable. There are a number of reasons why
criminals
Use synonyms
 take up their "old" habit despite having time spent imprisoned. One of them is
rejection
Add an article
a rejection
the rejection
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 of
Use synonyms
society
Correct article usage
the society
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 they are in. All too often,
criminals
Use synonyms
, after getting released, are seen to be inappropriate and are rejected by the side of
society
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because they are seen to be out of social norms and seen as
hostiles
Fix the agreement mistake
hostile
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 to people.
Thus
Linking Words
, in case ex-
criminals
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 look for jobs and try to get into social life, they are separated and looked down
.
Change preposition
upon.
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Thus
Linking Words
, they have no option but to commit crimes again owing to having no other choice
to
Correct word choice
but to
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 make a living.
In addition
Linking Words
, they might feel a bit difficult to adapt to the new environment, which was formed during their time in prison. Difficulties in adaptation might possibly lead them to behave in a way they used to. These have consequences
to
Change preposition
for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
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 and
criminals
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. As for
society
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, it becomes more hostile towards ex-
criminals
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.
Not to mention
Linking Words
 their label as segregated members, they start being
overly-hated
Correct your spelling
overly hated
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;
this
Linking Words
 leads to a concrete rejection of them from
the
Change the word
their
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 whole social life. As for
criminals
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, they might get their second trial and get into prison again.
This
Linking Words
 makes them lose their years of life and simply ruin
best
Correct article usage
the best
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 moments. In conclusion, the tendency of
criminals
Use synonyms
getting
Change the verb form
to get
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 into a crime path again is caused by social rejection and challenges in adaptation to norms that exist.
Effects
Correct article usage
The effects
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 are highly negative for both
criminals
Use synonyms
 and
community
Correct article usage
the community
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 they live in.
Submitted by moxinurabjalilova on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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