IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

It is true that a lot of
animals
Use synonyms
 living in the wild are edge of
disappearance
Check wording
extinction
show examples
. There are several possible reasons
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 enough measures could be taken to
addres
Correct your spelling
address
this
Linking Words
 problem. Regarding the causes, there
mainly
Verb problem
are mainly
show examples
 two serious factors which are urging
this
Linking Words
 development to appear. The most important reason is illegal hunting. Explain, poachers want
earning
Wrong verb form
to earn
show examples
 more money by hunting
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, nowadays
a
Punctuation problem
, a
show examples
result
Use synonyms
 of using elephant's
costs
Check wording
tusks
show examples
 as
making
Verb problem
apply
show examples
handle
Fix the agreement mistake
handles
show examples
 for expensive swords or
knifes
Fix the agreement mistake
knives
show examples
.
Furthemore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, another reason is chopping
more
Change preposition
down more
show examples
 forests. Explain, these days
production's
Check wording
production
show examples
 and construction's developing
demand
Correct article usage
a demand
show examples
more
Change preposition
for more
show examples
resourse
Correct your spelling
resources
.
For example
Linking Words
, mainly building
magerial
Correct your spelling
materials
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 wood, for
this
Linking Words
 30
percentage
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 of
forest
Correct article usage
the forest
show examples
chope
Wrong verb form
is chopped
show examples
 only for building.
As a
Linking Words
result
Use synonyms
,
animals
Use synonyms
 are losing their living area.
Although
Linking Words
 the above-mentioned problems are serious enough, several initiatives can
identified
Verb problem
be identified
show examples
 to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problematic situation. Banning
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
illegal hunting may be considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a feasible solution at
this
Linking Words
 point. Banning of illegal hunting by rules may
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lead
stopping
Change preposition
to stopping
show examples
preacher's
Correct article usage
the preacher's
show examples
 activity.
Result
Use synonyms
 of
banning
Punctuation problem
banning,
show examples
 we may be
save
Wrong verb form
saved
show examples
 from losing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 cause
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 impact.
Beside
Change preposition
Besides
show examples
 receiving to "redbook" list of
extencion
Correct your spelling
endangered
animals
Use synonyms
. Another
vialable
Correct your spelling
viable
 measure is to create protected forests and
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
Furthemore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
controlling
Punctuation problem
, controlling
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
so
show examples
 do not give damage
each
Change preposition
to each
show examples
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
.
As a
Linking Words
result
Use synonyms
,
animals
Use synonyms
 have
comfortable
Correct article usage
a comfortable
show examples
 place to increase their
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
. In conclusion, a number of factors are playing a vital role in more wild
animals
Use synonyms
extintioning
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, effective strategies are available to
changes
Wrong verb form
change
show examples
this
Linking Words
 case into a
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
side
Check wording
one
show examples
.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction should clearly outline the main points you will discuss. Try to rephrase the question in your own words.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates to your main idea.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more linking words (e.g., 'furthermore', 'however', 'for example') to connect your ideas better.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to proofread your work to fix spelling and grammatical mistakes (e.g., 'extintioning' should be 'extinction').
Task Achievement
You identified important reasons for animal extinction, such as illegal hunting and deforestation.
Task Achievement
You provided some possible solutions to the problem, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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