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Band 5

Every one of us should become a vegetarian because eating meat can cause serious health problems . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#meat #health
There is an idea that
people
 should have
vegetarian
Add an article
a vegetarian
show examples
diet
 and quit
meat
 to have
healthier
Add an article
a healthier
show examples
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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 and not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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face severe illnesses. I would discuss that
this
diet
 has both positive and negative effects on our bodies.
To begin
, there is one significant benefit that becoming a vegetarian has on our health. A variety of scientific
researchs
Correct your spelling
research
researches
 show that vegetarian diets are healthier because vegetables include less fat and cholesterol. So it can prevent
people
 from chronic disease, heart attacks, blood pressure, and obesity.
As a result
, choosing
vegetable
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vegetables
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 as your food leads to
become
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becoming
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 healthy and
people
 should cut down
eating
Change preposition
on eating
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meat
.
On the other hand
,
stop
Wrong verb form
stopping
show examples
 eating
meat
 can cause serious physical problems. If there is no
meat
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
people
’s
diet
, they will lose their muscle mass and bone density which are not beneficial. Vegetables can not
nurish
Correct your spelling
nourish
 our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
as well as
meat
.
Meat
 is the main source of iron, vitamin B12, calcium and some other essential nutrients.
For example
,
people
 who
has
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have
show examples
 hard physical
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 will be
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
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 more than other; or even it can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
children
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children's
show examples
 growth negatively.
As a result
, we can not omit
meat
 from our
diet
 entirely because it leads to
have
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having
show examples
weakness
Replace the word
weak
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 body.
To
Change preposition
In
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 conclusion,
although
vegetarian
Correct article usage
a vegetarian
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diet
 can prevent some
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
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but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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we can not ignore that omitting
meat
 from our
diet
 completely is problematic too. It would be better to reduce eating meats but still keep it on your
diet
 for
our
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
 body’s requirements.
That is
 necessary to keep balance
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our
diet
.
Submitted by mpf.7331 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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