IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

The detailed description about crime will affect the people and cause many social problems. Some people say that the media should be strictly controlled, To what extent do you agree or disagree

#description #crime #people #media
There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate over criminals. Meanwhile, some claim that detailed explanations bring
tremendous
Correct article usage
a tremendous
show examples
 influence on
people
 and lead to myriads of social problems. The opposite holds a strong view that it is pivotal for the
media
 to be severely controlled.
While
 the former is valid to some extent, I consider myself an advocate of the latter. Without a shadow of a doubt, describing the offenders’ actions cause
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both positive and negative impact on
people
.
Although
 it contributes to educating
people
 to stay away from illegitimate acts, it
also
 triggers some
people
 to imitate committing wicked acts.
For instance
,
according to
 Vietnam’s Ministry of Public Security in 2022, the crime rate decreased by 6.69% thanks to the
media
.
On the other hand
, a group of men committed 62 robberies with 270.000 USD, their actions were based on the details in the movie namely The Town.
Hence
, detailed descriptions bring a strong impact on citizens.
While
 the influences of describing criminals' actions in the
media
 on
people
 are widely acknowledged, the
media
 puts a premium on strict control methods.
For example
, after cases of children imitating suicide following Momo, Youtube has taken measures to prevent these negative behaviours. To be specific, Youtube creates a Youtube kids app specifically for kids and parents can control what content their children watch.
Therefore
, strict control of content related to criminals in the
media
 is extremely significant.
To sum up
, the
media
 regarding lawbreakers need to be administered by governments so that they can contribute educational values to the public
while
 still avoiding serious social problems.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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