IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The detailed description about crime will affect the people and cause many social problems. Some people say that the media should be strictly controlled. To what extent do you agree

#description #crime #people #media
There is a controversial
perspectively
Change the word
perspective
show examples
 conception heating up a debate over the
necessary
Replace the word
necessity
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
controlling
information
 in
media
. In my opinion, I would consider myself an advocate of that idea. Without a shadow of a doubt, filtering the
information
 in social
media
 is able to bring a myriad of benefits. Nowadays,
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 can easily
exposed
Change the verb form
expose
be exposed
show examples
 to negative dates in the
media
, which makes parents difficult to control and teach their children.
Childrens
Correct your spelling
Children
show examples
 will mimic all the activities on TV or show both good
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 bad. Pubg can be cited as an outstanding example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the common violent games in the market. These activities in that game have a tremendous effect on the
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
show examples
 mindset.
Hence
, it is essential for
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to limit the age and strictly controlled the data
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
.
While
 the redeeming features of managing
information
 in
media
 are widely acknowledged, the rigid control serves as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 obstacle for people in searching for more
information
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the internet.
The students
Correct article usage
Students
show examples
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
majors in law have difficulty
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
broadening their horizons in
this
 field.
For instance
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
defense
Change the spelling
defence
show examples
 and prosecution skills are one of the most important skills in law. The students can absorb that directly in the trial, these programs expose the offender profile and their mind.
Thus
, strictly controlling all the negative data has brought a bunch of harmful.
To sum up
, the detailed description of felonies will have some disadvantageous impacts on the public as it still benefits us in various ways.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: