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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Research shows that the right amount of sleep is necessary for good health, and that many people are not getting enough sleep. Why do you think people are not getting enough sleep? What might be the best ways to solve this problem?

It is true that for being healthy the right amount of sleep is really significant,
nevertheless
Linking Words
 more
people
Use synonyms
 are not getting enough sleep. There are several possible reasons but enough measures could be taken to address
this
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 problem. Regarding the
causes
Add a comma
,causes
show examples
 there are mainly two serious factors which are urging
this
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 development to appear. The most important reason is that
people
Use synonyms
 work
excessive
Change the adjective
excessively
show examples
. They want not only to find one job but
also
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 more than two or three jobs at the same
time
Use synonyms
. It can cause
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of sleep as they spend their available
time
Use synonyms
 in order to work.
Furthermore
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,
people
Use synonyms
 waste their necessary
time
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
on
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 their gadgets, like
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
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, computers,
television
Correct word choice
and television
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 to watch movies, follow celebrities, surfing the web. Regardless that
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
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 of activities can help improve our mood, they might take our sleeping
time
Use synonyms
.
Although
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 the above-mentioned problems are serious enough, several
initiativies
Correct your spelling
initiatives
 can be identified to tackle
this
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 problematic situation. Planning daily routines may be considered
as
Change preposition
apply
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a feasible solution at
this
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 point.
For instance
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, if
people
Use synonyms
 plan their whole week, they try to accomplish
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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even half part of
this
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.
In other words
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, as they do a number of works and things in sequence, they have enough
time
Use synonyms
 to sleep more. Another viable measure is to keep
balance
Add an article
a balance
the balance
show examples
 between work and life.
For example
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, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 do their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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, answer the calls which depend on their jobs,
think
Correct word choice
and think
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 a lot about it. It might
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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damage
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their brains
as well as
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amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of sleep. In conclusion, a number of factors are playing a vital role in the lack of
sleeping
Replace the word
sleep
show examples
.
However
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, effective strategies are available to change
this
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 case into a positive side.

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Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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