Loneliness is an increasing problem in many societies, especially among the elderly. Why is this? How might it be remedied?

this

contemporary

world

Add a comma

world,

show examples

everyone is facing multifaceted challenges primarily in terms of social and economic domains. Folks are struggling to overcome their financial needs by doing extended work to raise their family.

Therefore

, they have very

less

Correct word choice

little

show examples

time to

get

Verb problem

apply

show examples

spend with their families. especially, with their ancestors.

Thus

, it leads to a situation in which old folks

started

Wrong verb form

start

show examples

feeling loneliness which will affect their life very significantly. As mentioned above, the modern world's competitive environment restrains elderly folk

to spend

Change preposition

from spending

show examples

time with their offspring.

However

, modern technological equipment

such

as smartphones can overcome

this

hurdle and can provide an opportunity to bridge

this

gap.

In addition

, if elder folks utilize the benefits of technological advancement

such

as social media they can reestablish connections with their old pals and spend time with them by remembering their old memories.

For example

, nowadays a lot of platforms are available

such

as WhatsApp and Facebook where elderly folk may get in touch with their former school or vicinity friends and may share the journey of life which they have passed.

On the contrary

, if aged folk avoid complying with contemporary trends

then

they will be getting into contagious feelings which may

further

produce severe health concerns.

Such

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

Psychological problems which include depression and anxiety that

further

affects the other organs of human and produce formidable problems that can be difficult to get cured at an elderly age. To mitigate the effects of loneliness, government and social activists must step in and

Verb problem

take

show examples

pragmatic measures to counter

this

challenge.

Firstly

, a massive campaign needs to be launched to educate young people about

this

concern.

Secondly

, national organizations must start volunteering elderly people in recreational projects. In conclusion, Elderly people are the inspiration for the young generation and getting them into loneliness may

take way

Verb problem

bring

show examples

enormous benefits.

Therefore

, it is our social and moral responsibility to overcome

this

challenge.

Submitted by hasaan.neduet on Fri Mar 03 2023

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task response

The essay addresses the prompt but lacks depth and clear development of ideas. The points made are somewhat relevant but not sufficiently elaborated. More examples and specific details are needed to support the main points effectively.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement in terms of providing a clear roadmap for the essay and summarizing the main points effectively. The overall logical structure of the essay needs to be strengthened by using clearer transitional devices and organizing the ideas in a more coherent manner.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

316 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Loneliness is an increasing problem in many societies, especially among the elderly. Why is this? How might it be remedied?

Fully explain your ideas

In many countries around the world,rural people are moving to citites so that population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a possitive or a negative development?

Computer games and films containing violence are popular today. Some people think that these are harmful for our society and the government should ban them. Other argue that such games and films are fine for entertainment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is predicted that robots are going to become increasingly important in our lives. How could robots be used in the future? Will this development be a positive or a negative development?

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarket in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?