Loneliness is an increasing problem in many societies, especially among the elderly. Why is this? How might it be remedied?
In
this
contemporary world
everyone is facing multifaceted challenges primarily in terms of social and economic domains. Folks are struggling to overcome their financial needs by doing extended work to raise their family. Add a comma
world,
Therefore
, they have very less
time to Correct word choice
little
get
spend with their families. especially, with their ancestors. Verb problem
apply
Thus
, it leads to a situation in which old folks started
feeling loneliness which will affect their life very significantly.
As mentioned above, the modern world's competitive environment restrains elderly folk Wrong verb form
start
to spend
time with their offspring. Change preposition
from spending
However
, modern technological equipment such
as smartphones can overcome this
hurdle and can provide an opportunity to bridge this
gap. In addition
, if elder folks utilize the benefits of technological advancement such
as social media they can reestablish connections with their old pals and spend time with them by remembering their old memories. For example
, nowadays a lot of platforms are available such
as WhatsApp and Facebook where elderly folk may get in touch with their former school or vicinity friends and may share the journey of life which they have passed.
On the contrary
, if aged folk avoid complying with contemporary trends then
they will be getting into contagious feelings which may further
produce severe health concerns. Such
as,
Psychological problems which include depression and anxiety that Remove the comma
apply
further
affects the other organs of human and produce formidable problems that can be difficult to get cured at an elderly age.
To mitigate the effects of loneliness, government and social activists must step in and do
pragmatic measures to counter Verb problem
take
this
challenge. Firstly
, a massive campaign needs to be launched to educate young people about this
concern. Secondly
, national organizations must start volunteering elderly people in recreational projects.
In conclusion, Elderly people are the inspiration for the young generation and getting them into loneliness may take way
enormous benefits. Verb problem
bring
Therefore
, it is our social and moral responsibility to overcome this
challenge.Submitted by hasaan.neduet on
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task response
The essay addresses the prompt but lacks depth and clear development of ideas. The points made are somewhat relevant but not sufficiently elaborated. More examples and specific details are needed to support the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement in terms of providing a clear roadmap for the essay and summarizing the main points effectively. The overall logical structure of the essay needs to be strengthened by using clearer transitional devices and organizing the ideas in a more coherent manner.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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