Loneliness is an increasing problem in many societies, especially among the elderly. Why is this? How might it be remedied?

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In
this
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contemporary
world
Add a comma
world,
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everyone is facing multifaceted challenges primarily in terms of social and economic domains. Folks are struggling to overcome their financial needs by doing extended work to raise their family.
Therefore
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, they have very
less
Correct word choice
little
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time to
get
Verb problem
apply
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spend with their families. especially, with their ancestors.
Thus
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, it leads to a situation in which old folks
started
Wrong verb form
start
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feeling loneliness which will affect their life very significantly. As mentioned above, the modern world's competitive environment restrains elderly folk
to spend
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from spending
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time with their offspring.
However
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, modern technological equipment
such
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as smartphones can overcome
this
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hurdle and can provide an opportunity to bridge
this
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gap.
In addition
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, if elder folks utilize the benefits of technological advancement
such
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as social media they can reestablish connections with their old pals and spend time with them by remembering their old memories.
For example
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, nowadays a lot of platforms are available
such
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as WhatsApp and Facebook where elderly folk may get in touch with their former school or vicinity friends and may share the journey of life which they have passed.
On the contrary
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, if aged folk avoid complying with contemporary trends
then
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they will be getting into contagious feelings which may
further
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produce severe health concerns.
Such
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as
,
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apply
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Psychological problems which include depression and anxiety that
further
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affects the other organs of human and produce formidable problems that can be difficult to get cured at an elderly age. To mitigate the effects of loneliness, government and social activists must step in and
do
Verb problem
take
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pragmatic measures to counter
this
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challenge.
Firstly
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, a massive campaign needs to be launched to educate young people about
this
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concern.
Secondly
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, national organizations must start volunteering elderly people in recreational projects. In conclusion, Elderly people are the inspiration for the young generation and getting them into loneliness may
take way
Verb problem
bring
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enormous benefits.
Therefore
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, it is our social and moral responsibility to overcome
this
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challenge.
Submitted by hasaan.neduet on

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt but lacks depth and clear development of ideas. The points made are somewhat relevant but not sufficiently elaborated. More examples and specific details are needed to support the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement in terms of providing a clear roadmap for the essay and summarizing the main points effectively. The overall logical structure of the essay needs to be strengthened by using clearer transitional devices and organizing the ideas in a more coherent manner.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • isolation
  • social support networks
  • superficial connections
  • anonymity
  • work-life balance
  • multi-generational households
  • urbanization
  • meaningful relationships
  • community involvement
  • alleviate
  • responsible use
  • face-to-face interaction
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