IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Using a computer everyday can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree?

#computer #effects #children
Computers are one of the biggest inventions in the
last
 decades, they have proven to bring many benefits for research, time-optimization and for connecting people beyond frontiers. From my viewpoint,
children
 should not utilize computers on a daily basis and should only be able to access
with
Correct pronoun usage
them with
show examples
 adult supervision and for educational purposes. It has been found that the majority of underage users do not utilize
this
 tool to study or for research, but rather they spend most of their online time doing leisure activities
such
 as computer games, using social media or watching videos.
Consequently
,
this
 accounts for the development of bad habits
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 procrastination and a
quickly
Change the adverb
quick
show examples
 loss of interest in academics, sports and art.
Secondly
, many personality traits are developed through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childhood and it has been proven that
children
 who spend more online hours have a harder time socializing and communicating as they do not practice their social skills and they build misconceptions
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 how really society functions. Another one of the downsides of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
daily computer use in
children
 is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
consistent damage to their sight. Most parents do not provide their kids
eyewear
Change preposition
with eyewear
show examples
 protection
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 digital screens and it leads to all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of sight problems from a young age
such
 as myopia and astigmatism. In summary, I agree that
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
daily computer use is not beneficial for
children
 and it is crucial that they are not left unattended at any point during their online activities as they are heavily exposed
an
Change preposition
to an
show examples
 unfiltered vast amount of information and people
such
 as scammers and
pedophiles
Change the spelling
paedophiles
show examples
Submitted by lyancoronado on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Screen time
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Physical inactivity
  • Cognitive development
  • Internet addiction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate content
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual learning environments
  • Parental controls
  • Moderation
  • Online safety
  • Tech-savvy
  • E-learning
  • Information technology
  • Eye strain
  • Social skills
  • Multitasking
  • Interactive education
  • Health repercussions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: