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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Children are engaged in different kind of paid works. Many of people consider it inappropriate and many think it as a learning experience for taking responsibility? Give your opinion and views at the statement.

#children #works #people #responsibility
Nowadays, the young are busy with various types of paid
work
.mostly masses take it as inappropriate and some opine it as a study understanding for taking responsibilities.I want to discuss both sides before giving a final conclusion. To commence with,why do individuals observe doing paid
work
 in a bad manner
because
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
working for
money
 at an early age not only distract children from their study but
also
 encourage them to run for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their whole life.
for example
,it is clearly manifested in the IT sector where many young doing
work
 in order to earn
money
 without
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
interest.
moreover
,all students do not have the same capabilities for doing
work
 and studying both at the same time and if someone started doing
work
 early it was very difficult for them to make a concentration on their studies. Despite the fact,we have discussed a plethora of detrimental effects of paid internships but doing jobs
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
teenagers exhibits some positive effects
also
such
 as working for wealth at
young
Add an article
a young
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 age aids to improve
the
Change the word
their
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 knowledge about
money
 and
also
 defines their value.
besides
 these,a large amount of
native
Fix the agreement mistake
natives
show examples
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 able to pay for their
infants
Change to a genitive case
infant's
infants'
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 education and
thus
 children have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
only the option as
work
 to arrange
money
.
Furthermore
,giving efforts for making
money
 from childhood helps to enhance
to enhance
Remove the redundancy
apply
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the skills,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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 used in upcoming future to perform well in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 job. In conclusion,
Although
 unpaid has
a drastic benefits
Correct the article-noun agreement
drastic benefits
a drastic benefit
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but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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some
it
Change preposition
of it
show examples
interfare
Correct your spelling
interferes
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 study of children.
Submitted by anksah2000 on

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Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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