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Writing Samples
Band 8

Levels of depression and antisocial behavior in children have increased dramatically in modern societies. This situation has led many people to believe that childhood itself is in crisis. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

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Nowadays, the rate of depression and antisocial
character
Use synonyms
 in the younger generation has reached an all-time high in modern communities.
This
Linking Words
 event has made people think there is a crisis in the general personality of a child. I agree with
this
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 view because most times
children
Use synonyms
's needs are not provided with enough attention as before. On one hand,
children
Use synonyms
 tend to be isolated and depressed because of several factors. The busy schedule of a number of
parents
Use synonyms
 these days has affected the
character
Use synonyms
 development of their
children
Use synonyms
.
As a result
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 of loneliness,
children
Use synonyms
 get depressed and isolated from the public.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 are like role models to their offspring,
therefore
Linking Words
, when they are unavailable it makes
children
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 lack confidence in themselves which in turn can lead to depression.Recent studies have proven that
parents
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 with jobs that require the most of their time, raise sad kids with co-existing disabilities. Take ,
for example
Linking Words
, my aunt Gina works 18 hours a day in the hospital,
this
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 has affected her son's confidence, resulting in him not being able to make friends in school.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a group of people believe that controlling the usage of technology by
children
Use synonyms
 will in turn prevent any form of negative development in their
character
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because an increasing number of
children
Use synonyms
 become depressed and isolated because of their experience on the internet.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, they become so attached to technological devices which do not benefit their mental health. It's been observed that controlling how
children
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 use gadgets makes them focus more on coexisting in the real world.
For example
Linking Words
, if a parent makes time for a child to visit parks and fun events, it will make them more outgoing. In conclusion, the younger generation possesses a developing mind that can
also
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 be distracted. In my opinion,
parents
Use synonyms
 should prioritise the needs of their
children
Use synonyms
. I suggest working fewer hours will help
parents
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 focus more on building the
character
Use synonyms
 of their
children
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Try to include more diverse examples that illustrate different perspectives or scenarios related to the topic.
task achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion that explores various dimensions of the topic in depth.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to enhance flow between ideas.
task achievement
The essay effectively introduces the topic and provides a clear position on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph has a distinct main point, which contributes to a coherent overall structure.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion successfully summarizes the main points and reinforces the essay's position.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalence
  • societal pressures
  • academic demands
  • technological influences
  • parental neglect
  • family structures
  • mental health issues
  • economic inequality
  • community support
  • well-being
  • heightened awareness
  • improved diagnosis
  • advancements in mental health treatment
  • social support systems
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