IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show local government expenditure in 2010 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show local government expenditure in 2010 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #government #expenditure #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The given two pie charts illustrate the proportion of regional government
expenses
Use synonyms
 in nine sectors between 2010 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, in the first
Use synonyms
year
Add a comma
,year
show examples
 the most government
expenses
Use synonyms
 were in Education which
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased
at the end
Linking Words
 of the initial
year
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, the least
expenses
Use synonyms
 were in other
expenses
Use synonyms
 sections and remain the same in both years.
According to
Linking Words
 the data, from 2010 Education has the biggest portion of
expenses
Use synonyms
. The government allocated
for
Change preposition
about for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 program just about 24%.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
at the end
Linking Words
 of 2015 it increased slightly became 21%. The second big percentage was Health service. The number of
this
Linking Words
 type was 21% and decrease
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 1% ultimately reaching 20%. Trailed by
expenses
Use synonyms
 for Pensions
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the earliest time Authority contributed
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
about 19% and remain stable until the final
year
Use synonyms
. Followed by Defence and welfare which decrease slowly
accounted
Change the verb form
to account
show examples
14
Change preposition
for 14
show examples
% and 13% respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Interest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 borrowing was increased and spent about 10%. The other smaller percentage, which decreased steadily
such
Linking Words
 as ; Transport, Culture and leisure, and other
expenses
Use synonyms
 accounted for only 3% combined
at the end
Linking Words
 of the initial
year
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by viraandayani5 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words expenses, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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