IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some businesses now say that no one can smoke cigarettes in any of their offices.Some governments have banned smoking in all public places.do you agree or disagree

#businesses #smoke #cigarettes #offices #governments #places
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Most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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firms,
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
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 and companies
Add the comma(s)
, as well as government,
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as well as
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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 make restrictions to
Use synonyms
smoke
Wrong verb form
smoking
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 in
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
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 and public amenities respectively.it has become fashionable In the world today to blame smoking.
however
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, I
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although
Correct word choice
apply
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feel that smoking can be harmful,
but
Correct word choice
and
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 I don't believe it should be forbidden completely.
i
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I
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 would
also
Linking Words
argur
Correct your spelling
argue
argues
 that
people
Use synonyms
 should have the right whether they
smoke
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 or not Let me deal with the three positive sides of smoking.
Firstly
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, smoking certainly helps many
people
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 to relax.For some, it even improves concentration.If someone is upset owing to debt or they have
Add an article
an exam
the exam
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exam
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exams
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,
like
Correct pronoun usage
they like
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 to
smoke
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 to reduce the pressure or tension.
Secondly
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,
governmentz
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 throughout the world make huge profits from taxes on cigarettes.it goes without saying
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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that the income could obtain from taxes provide funds which are used for building school, hospital and public places
such
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 as parks, gardens and stadiums. Despite these positive
effects
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,effects
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 there are lots of negative effects of smoking too.
initially
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, smoking has been proven to be too dangerous for health.
in addition
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, it can cause many injurious diseases like heart attack,lung cancer and cough.
furthemore
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Furthermore
, smoking costs
government
Correct article usage
the government
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million
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millions
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 of dollars because of the huge amount of
people
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 who need treatment in hospitals for problems that
based
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are based
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 on smoking. In short, I think the world be a better place without cigarettes.
however
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,
Ithe
Correct your spelling
the
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 decision as to whether
smoke
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 or not should be for
people
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 to make. I suggest that individuals should not
smoke
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 in a room or place where there are
non smokers
Add a hyphen
non-smokers
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 but certainly they should be free to
smoke
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elsewhere
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.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • second-hand smoke
  • respiratory diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • productivity
  • fire hazards
  • environmental advantages
  • aesthetics
  • non-smokers
  • personal freedom
  • well-being
  • smoking bans
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