IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people think that the fictional violence portrayed on television is harmless entertainment. Others disagree and think that it encourages violent behaviour. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #violence #television #entertainment #behaviour
The fictional violence on TV, nowadays, is mostly argued in terms of its worst impact on the nation.
While
 some believe that they are innocuous, others claim that these images are not worth watching because of their negative influence. In my opinion, it undoubtedly affects our community badly ,especially the youth,
however
, we are still capable of limiting ourselves not to watch them and we ought to do it
instead
 of banning them. On the one hand, they do not play
such
 a huge role in creating the mind of a person.
For example
, they, currently, are roughly everywhere but not everyone gets into the way of crime or something like that which means even if there are some who became horrible people after them, these images do not have the most crucial effect.
In other words
, the way these pictures shift the individuals’ standpoints is based on themselves,
thus
, there is no point in blocking them.
On the contrary
, there is no doubt that on some occasions they psychologically can destroy an observer’s notion. Generally, those who prospectively are able to be impacted are youngsters specifically teenagers. These societies have not completely had their vision of the world and not knowing what is good and evil,
moreover
, under the enormous pressure of complicated adult life, they unconsciously commit some bad stuff having been inspired by the ideas they captured on television.
For instance
, some computer games are limited
according to
 the age of the users
due to
 the fact that after organizing the number of scans, the companies found that extremely brutal combats occurring there lead to profound alters in the minds of descendants. Unfortunately,
such
 kinds of limiting absences on TV because it is seen by both the old and young. After looking at both sides of
this
 discussion, my personal sentiments are on par with the second group of people.
Nevertheless
, I do not believe that it is impossible to avoid them.
Submitted by abduvalievabdulbori6 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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