Schools should teach children some academic subjects which will be beneficial to their future careers. Therefore, other subjects such as music and sports are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#schools #children #subjects #future #careers #music #sports

Nowadays,

subjects

sports

and

music

are a part of academics at many schools and universities. Some people feel that

such

subjects

are absolutely unnecessary for

children

to learn and institutions should prioritise

student’s

Fix the agreement mistake

students’

show examples

education rather than

sports

and

music

However

, some others opine that these

subjects

are required for the

overall

growth of a child. I completely agree with the latter, and

this

essay will elucidate my assertions in the forthcoming paragraphs. These days

subjects

sports

and

music

are not only a part of cultural events at schools but

also

a part of academics. These

subjects

teach lessons to pupils like sportsmanship, a never-give-up attitude, being a team player, etc., which

otherwise

would not have been possible to learn.

For instance

, it has been observed that students who engage themselves in

sports

become better leaders at companies than the ones who have not played during their childhood.

Thus

, the inclusion of

such

activities in the syllabus teaches pupils qualities that will help them in the future.

Moreover

, it acts as a recreational activity for students who

otherwise

don’t get much time to play.

This

helps them to concentrate better

Change preposition

show examples

studies,

keeps

Correct word choice

and keeps

show examples

their body healthy and mind fresh.

For instance

, as the current generation is technologically inclined,

children

these days often engage themselves in video games or mobile phones. Most of these

children

suffer from diseases like obesity and depression from a tender age.

Thus

, if

such

children

are exposed to

sports

and

music

at school it will keep their body and mind active. So, the cases of these kinds of diseases will go down. In conclusion, I agree that the primary goal of educational institutions is literacy but at the same

time

Add a comma

,time

show examples

subjects

sports

and

music

are irrefutably necessary for the

overall

development and growth of

children

Submitted by prabhunisha0994 on Sun Mar 05 2023

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

301 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Schools should teach children some academic subjects which will be beneficial to their future careers. Therefore, other subjects such as music and sports are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

What are advantages and disadvantage of use social networking? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience

Nowadays people prefer to live in cities. what is the advantges and disadvantges?

In many countries, very few young people read newspapers or follow the news on TV. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming intrested in finding out about history of the house or building they live in. what are the reasons for this ? how can people research this ?