IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people have difficulty maintaining a healthy diet. What are the causes of this problem? How could it be solved?

#people #difficulty #diet
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In today's modern world,
one
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 of the controversial issues among
people
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 is a healthy
diet
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. In many societies,
this
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 phenomenon has become widely common. In my opinion, having issues with a healthy
diet
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is originated
Wrong verb form
originates
show examples
 from extra hours of
work
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 and a lack of knowledge about making healthy
food
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.Below, some solutions have been presented.
Firstly
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, many
people
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 spend a lot of
time
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 in their jobs because of the high volume of their expenses
such
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 as rent and
food
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.
Thus
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, they don'
t
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 have enough
time
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for making
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to make
show examples
 healthy
food
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 and most of the
time
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 , they prefer to order fast
food
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.
As a result
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, they are using salt, oil and other unhealthy materials.
In addition
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,
due to
Linking Words
involving
Wrong verb form
being involved
show examples
 in extra
time
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 in their careers, they don'
t
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 have enough information for making healthy
food
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.
For example
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,
one
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 starts to make
food
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 , but for the first
time
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 it doesn'
t
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work
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 and for the second
time
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, an individual will be reluctant to try it because
one
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 thinks
that is
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 not suitable for making
food
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.
For solving
Change preposition
To solve
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem,
this
Linking Words
 situation should be changed. If employers prepare a cafeteria in their offices or companies serving
diet
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food
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 and
also
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 offer organic
food
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 at reasonable prices to their employees , it would
be reduced
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
the high volume of demand for
using
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fast
food
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 during their hours of
work
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. Another solution is that the government should
be informed
Wrong verb form
inform
show examples
people
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 about the negative effects of using an unhealthy
diet
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 by holding workshops or news.
Further
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, the healthcare department should
be published
Wrong verb form
publish
show examples
 some simple receipts for making healthy
food
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 for
people
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. In conclusion, for the number of reasons mentioned above, I believe that
one
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's
due to
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 spending more hours in their jobs , they don'
t
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 pay attention to their health and by managing their
time
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 between their
work
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 and
diet
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, they could be decreased to use an unhealthy
food
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.
Submitted by saraseifi2016 on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure in the essay is weak and lacks coherence. The ideas are presented in a disorganized manner, making it difficult to follow the argument.
task achievement
The response does not fully address the task, as the causes and solutions are not effectively articulated. More clarity is needed in presenting comprehensive ideas that fully answer the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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