IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

1.You have joined a new job recently. Write to your friend about your new job. In your letter •describe the reason for quitting the previous job •show your excitement for a new job and other details •say about your salary package

#job #friend #•describe #reason #•show #excitement #•say #salary #package
Dear Terry, I hope
this
 email finds you in radiant health and you are doing well. I am writing
this
 letter to let you know about the new job that I got recently
as well as
 my excitement after having
this
 new opportunity.
Although
 I have been working in a multinational
company
 since 2018, I have decided to quit
this
 job because of a few reasons
such
 as the office location being far away from my home and future professional growth being very limited in
this
 firm as currently, the
company
 is struggling with the business.
Moreover
, I was over the moon when I got the job confirmation call from
the
Change the word
my
show examples
 new employer.
Also
, I believe that I will be able to prove myself as a potential employee in the new
company
.
Additionally
, the
overall
 corporate culture and office environment made me delighted so far. Apart from the above-mentioned facilities, the employer has offered me a handsome remuneration package which is much more lucrative than the previous one. To be honest, my monthly salary will be 180K including other fringe benefits as per
company
 policy. All the best. Yours lovingly, Tom Santner
Submitted by faisalmahamood on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic, with supporting sentences that develop the main idea effectively.
coherence cohesion
While your letter has an overall good structure, be careful not to jump abruptly between ideas. Smooth transitions help coherence.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to better connect your sentences and paragraphs, enhancing the flow of ideas.
task achievement
For Task Achievement, be sure to expand on each point to fully develop your response. For instance, you could provide more details about your new job role and responsibilities.
task achievement
Maintaining a suitable formal writing tone is crucial, and you have done this well. Ensure to maintain this across the entire piece of writing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: