IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that watching TV programmes can help children’s development while others disagree. What is your opinion?

#people #tv #programmes #children’s #development
It has been observed nowadays that youth always
watch
television
 almost all the time. Some people believe that watching
television
 can enhance
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 knowledge but there are some that argue with
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 claim. I believe that watching
television
 programmes or movies can have
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
impact
 if there
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
 crime
scene
Fix the agreement mistake
scenes
show examples
 always. On the one side, watching
television
 can have a bad
impact
 on
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
behaviour
, because some
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
shows
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
 on
tv
 have violent
behaviour
 and action,
children
 follow the
behaviour
 of
Correct article usage
the actor
show examples
actor
Fix the agreement mistake
actors
show examples
, or
for
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 if
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
watch
 violent movies and no proper guidance
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 there parents the copy the
behaviour
 of the actor that the
watch
. One example is my 7
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
 old girl, she always
watch
Correct subject-verb agreement
watches
show examples
 a movie called LOL, she always
watch
Change the verb form
watches
show examples
 that
tv
program
 almost
everyday
Correct your spelling
every day
show examples
 and she idolized so much of that
tv
program
, and the result is she
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 no time
playing
Change the verb form
to play
show examples
 and
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
socializing
Wrong verb form
socialise
show examples
 with some kids outside. On the
othere
Correct your spelling
other
 hand, watching
television
 have
also
 good benefits for
children
 if the
program
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
watch
 is some kind of educational
program
,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
show examples
 if
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
watch
tv
 series like
geographic
Correct article usage
a geographic
show examples
 channel, or science channel, its really a big help for
children
 to have knowledge on watching
educational
Add an article
an educational
show examples
tv
program
,
children
 will learn
while
 watching that kind of movies.
In addition
, parents should monitor
also
 what
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 child is watching.
Im
Correct your spelling
In
 my conclusion, watching
tv
program
, have
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 and bad
impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
 development and
behaviour
, but in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 watching
television
 can have
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
behaviour
, because some
tv
program
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 violent content and have
crime
Add an article
a crime
show examples
 scene.
Submitted by rubenellaurino on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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