IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Today, TV channels broadcast man’s sport shows more than women’s sport shows. Why? Should TV channels give equal showtime for women’s sport and men’s sport?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate over the fact that the amount of showtime spent to broadcast male
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 than its
counterpart
Fix the agreement mistake
counterparts
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 day and age. In my opinion, I would contend that showtime should be given for both genders’
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 equally on television channels. Without a shadow of a doubt
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, almost all TV producers have a tendency to prioritise men’s
sport
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 may be
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that showing male
sports
Use synonyms
 can attract more profits and investments.
For instance
Linking Words
, each Vietnamese men’s football match appeals
millions
Change preposition
to millions
show examples
 of spectators and audiences from all over the country to cheer them either at the stadium or through the screen. They
also
Linking Words
 gain ample contracts of promotions which are advertised on billboards everywhere in the nation.
Hence
Linking Words
, television producers will earn more revenue when broadcasting male
sports
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 the redeeming feature of showing men’s
sport
Use synonyms
 is widely acknowledged, it is unfair if that of its counterpart is neglected.
Although
Linking Words
 male athletes attract huge amounts of profits, the reputation of female
sports
Use synonyms
 is increasing, which
also
Linking Words
 appeals to a wealth of attractions for the time being.
For example
Linking Words
, there are more
sports
Use synonyms
 for women in numerous well-known competitions
such
Linking Words
 as
AFC
Correct article usage
the AFC
show examples
 Cup in
Asian
Correct your spelling
Asia
show examples
 which organised female football tournaments.
Thus
Linking Words
, more women’s
sports
Use synonyms
 should be broadcast on television. In conclusion, it is doubtless to say that male
sports
Use synonyms
 are more popular and gain a lot of revenue,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 which are played by female athletes should be given equal showtime on the screen.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your essay clearly addresses the topic, yet it could benefit from greater depth in explaining the reasons behind the current broadcasting preferences and offering a more balanced argument for equal showtime. Try to delve deeper into both sides of the argument to enrich your task response.
Coherence & Cohesion
The structure of your essay is generally clear. Still, the flow between ideas and paragraphs can be enhanced. Using a wider range of linking phrases and making sure each paragraph clearly leads into the next could improve the overall cohesion and coherence of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: