IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people
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It is an obvious fact that celebrities are better known
as
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for
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 their luxurious lifestyles
instead
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of
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for
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 their performance in life which provides negative consequences for youth. I have
balance
Correct article usage
a balance
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 opinion for
this
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 argument
to
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for
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 the following reasons. On the one hand, many
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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people reach
to
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apply
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their position by working for it beside their accomplishments , acting skills
andperformances
Correct your spelling
and performances
and performance
,so
thats
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that's
 why they become a positive role
model
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models
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 for young children.
In other words
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, there are many self-made
super stars
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superstars
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 in show businesses whose talents should be considered.A good example is Angelina
jolie
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Jolie
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, a handsome actor
that is
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 distinguished all over the world for her several missions around the world in
refugees
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refugee
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 camps and war zones and helping the no-place people. Eventually, these famous
artists
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artists'
artist's
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 behaviour and attitude always have
an
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a
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 desirable influence on teenagers.
On the other hand
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, there are other celebrities who achieved by other not their own attempts
such
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 as
inherited
Wrong verb form
inheriting
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 money from their parents , married with a rich person , or
from
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apply
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being scandalous.
For instance
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, Kim Kardashians whose
querrals
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quarrels
, untruth relationships and parties are not healthy
behaviors
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behaviours
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 that children should learn. These people are impressed
the
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by the
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 children that ways to be wealthy in life
is
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are
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such
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 wrong values .
Finally
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, there are a large
amount
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number
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 of well-known actors who are not a good pattern in showing the right way
of
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to
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 success.
To sum up
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, I personally agree that
although
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 many celebrities set negative influences on teenagers,at least many others of them are useful in showing the way that they work hard to the younger individuals.
Submitted by bayattaahereh90 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
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