As cyber-perpetration is becoming a main online problem, social media and technological companies should be obligated by government to launch strict policy(ies) against cyber-bullying. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

With the advancement in technology and the Internet, social
media
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has become an essential part of our modern life. One of the setbacks of
this
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trend is cyber-bullying
which
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, which
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is becoming very concerning. In my opinion, social
media
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and technology companies should
totally be
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be totally
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responsible for alleviating
this
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issue. First of all, the service providers should set strict rules to prevent cyber-bullying. Social
media
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platforms
such
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as Facebook, Instagram and
Tik Tok
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TikTok
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should play their roles by setting strict policies . Users who are reported to abuse the platforms should be taken seriously
,
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apply
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and investigated
accordingly
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. They should be banned from using the service once found to be engaging in these activities.
Moreover
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, the government should fine those companies which do not abide by the rules. Individuals who join social
media
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sites should be obliged to use their real identities.
Furthermore
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, users who do not comply can be punished by suspending their accounts temporarily. If real identities are being used, people will be more afraid
to
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of
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committing
cyber- bullying
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cyber-bullying
show examples
as they will get caught easily when real profiles are being used. The government can set new laws,
for example
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, in protecting young children who are usually the main
victim
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victims
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of cyberbullying. In conclusion, I strongly agree that the government should impose strict laws on social
media
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and online companies, so they can help in the battle against cyber-bullying. Suspending their accounts and only allowing a real profile to join are two main policies that can help with
this
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rising issue.

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task response
Add a counter view or show more balance
coherence
Use more linking words to join ideas clearly
language
Check grammar and spelling
development
Give more real examples from life to support points
task response
Clear, steady view from start to end
coherence
Good plan: intro, body, and conclusion present
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
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