IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The population of major cities around the world is increasing very fastly. Why is this the case and what measures could be taken to solve this issue.

The number of
people
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 living in the main cities of the world is rising very rapidly.
This
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 is
due to
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 high
birth
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 rates and a very healthy society. Some of the possible solutions are to restrict the number of
children
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 being born and promote the education of the girl child. Overpopulation is caused by lots of
children
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 being born at the same time. When there is no adequate information on family planning,
women
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 tend to give
birth
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 to many
children
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 thereby contributing to a speedily growing
population
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 which leads to a shortage of resources that can affect the economy of a country negatively.
In addition
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, a society
that is
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 healthy and fit will lead to lower mortality levels.
This
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also
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 increases the number of
people
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 living in a particular area at a time.
For example
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, in societies where
people
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 have a healthy diet and work out
regularly
Add a comma
regularly,
show examples
 diseases are less common.
Therefore
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, the
population
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 of that community will be on the rise. There are so many ways to reduce
this
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 problem
such
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 as raising awareness for both partners on the importance of having a smaller family and the dangers of having several
children
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 at the same time.
This
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 can be achieved by providing affordable and accessible
birth
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 control methods to help
people
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 manage family size.
Furthermore
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, promoting education for the female child is
also
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 necessary to reduce
population
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 sizes. Educated
women
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 are more likely to marry later because they will be so occupied with pursuing their careers and
this
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 will
then
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 lessen the
population
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 size.
For instance
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, China has been able to combat
this
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 issue by imposing a fine on anyone who gives
birth
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 to more than two
children
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. In conclusion, the problem of overpopulation is a global phenomenon that requires intermediate intervention which can be achieved by making
birth
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 control methods easily accessible to
women
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 especially in rural areas and
also
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 by offering more educational services and job opportunities for career-driven
women
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.

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Task Achievement
Consider elaborating more on the reasons for rapid urban population growth, including economic migration and rural-to-urban movement, to provide a more comprehensive view.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the clarity of your argument by ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and maintains focus on that point throughout.
Task Achievement
Incorporate a wider range of examples or statistics to support your claims regarding the effectiveness of suggested solutions, which will strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.
Task Achievement
Your suggestions for addressing overpopulation are practical and show a good understanding of the issue, particularly the focus on education and family planning.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • metropolitan areas
  • infrastructure
  • job opportunities
  • rural-urban migration
  • standard of living
  • globalization
  • decentralization
  • urban planning
  • public transportation
  • sustainable development
  • affordable housing
  • population density
  • birth rates
  • death rates
  • healthcare facilities
  • educational opportunities
  • cultural attractions
  • housing policies
  • eco-friendly
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