IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Do you agree or disagree that celebrities are paid far too much money ?

#celebrities #money
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Every year a list of the highest-paid
celebrities
Use synonyms
 is published. Some stars are paid hundreds of millions of dollars every year. Some
people
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 think they deserve
this
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 money for their talent and hard work. I personally disagree, I don't believe anyone should have
such
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 excessive amounts of money. In
this
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 essay, I'll explain the reasons. Some
people
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 argue that the highest-earning
celebrities
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 are special. they have a talent that few of us possess and they have worked incredibly hard to become the best. My view is that we all have our own skills and abilities and most of us work hard. Just because someone's talent is for making things or teaching, why should they get paid so much less? It's true that we create the demands for
celebrities
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 that let them become so wealthy.
However
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, I think we're all paying too much for tickets to concerts and sporting events.
This
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 is unfair because
people
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 with low incomes don't have the opportunity to see these events in person. If
celebrities
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 earned less, more
people
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 would be able to afford to buy music and go to concerts.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I strongly agree that famous
people
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 should have a lifestyle which is more similar to that of ordinary
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by jasmin6pham on

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task response
Ensure that your introduction presents a clear thesis statement and that your conclusion summarizes the main points and restates your opinion. Also, work on providing more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and support the main argument. Also, make sure that your introduction and conclusion are present and well-developed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • lucrative
  • revenue
  • sponsorships
  • merchandise
  • career longevity
  • market demand
  • economic contribution
  • role models
  • influence
  • entertainment industry
What to do next:
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