IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the annual water usage(in millions of cubic meters) by industries in particulars country in 2017.

The graph below shows the annual water usage(in millions of cubic meters) by industries in particulars country in 2017.
The given bar chart lucid the conception of
groundwater
Use synonyms
 and public
water
Use synonyms
 by all seven different
industries
Use synonyms
 annually.
Overall
Linking Words
, It is noticeable that chemical
industries
Use synonyms
 used the highest
water
Use synonyms
 supply for ground and the public both.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Textile and Fuel
industries
Use synonyms
 used very minimal
water
Use synonyms
 supply. Looking at the details, the Chemical organization used the highest
groundwater
Use synonyms
 and which was 430
million
Use synonyms
 cubic
meters
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Metal organization just used half of the chemical organization which was 240
million
Use synonyms
 cubic
meters
Use synonyms
 of
groundwater
Use synonyms
 supply.
However
Linking Words
, the Chemical
industry
Use synonyms
 used 240
million
Use synonyms
 cubic
meters
Use synonyms
 of public supply
water
Use synonyms
 which is again three timeless than the Metal
industry
Use synonyms
 usage.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the Food/Drink and Paper
industries
Use synonyms
 used 110 and 190
million
Use synonyms
 cubic
meters
Use synonyms
 of
groundwater
Use synonyms
 supply and 190 and just 20
million
Use synonyms
 cubic
meters
Use synonyms
 of public supply
water
Use synonyms
. The lowest consumption of public supply
water
Use synonyms
 from textiles, and fuel
industries
Use synonyms
 was 10
million
Use synonyms
 cubic
meters
Use synonyms
 and the lowest consumption of
groundwater
Use synonyms
 from the Machinery
industry
Use synonyms
 was 10
million
Use synonyms
 cubic
meters
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, Fuel and Textile consumption of
groundwater
Use synonyms
 supply was 70 and 80
million
Use synonyms
 cubic
meters
Use synonyms
. For Machinery
industry
Use synonyms
 used 100
million
Use synonyms
 cubic
meters
Use synonyms
 of public supply
water
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words groundwater, water, industries, million, meters, industry with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: