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Band 5

The best way to understand other cultures is to work for a multinational organization. To what extent to you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any examples.

#cultures #work #organization
Studying different cultures will connect us to the world by providing a chance to get along well with
people
.
Thus
 working in a global company will enhance
this
 opportunity as they are located in different countries.
This
 essay will discuss both views. Companies
such
 as KFC, Domino’s, Pizza
hut
Capitalize word
Hut
show examples
, Panasonic, Helix etc are all over the world. Each country has their own cultural and historical values
hence
 these establishments have to obey and respect their rituals
otherwise
 they can not survive. Employees have to mix with local
people
 in their day-to-day work.
Therefore
 they have to get used to local languages, accents,
costumes
Correct word choice
and costumes
show examples
 and they’ll get opportunities to attend different festivals.
Furthermore
 participating
special
Change preposition
in special
show examples
 functions of
co- workers
Correct your spelling
co-workers
show examples
 who are from another race will ensure
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mutual understanding among themselves.
Eventually
Add a comma
Eventually,
show examples
 they’ll get an optimum chance to observe different ethnics.
In contrast
, someone who’s really interested in
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
 variety of cultures can travel
several
Change preposition
to several
show examples
 countries rather than
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 in an international firm to
make
Verb problem
do
show examples
 a close study and can spend some quality time with local
people
. They can have a friendly chat
while
 enjoying street food, can visit
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 to see how those
people
 engage in different industries,
also
 they’ll be able to grab unique things which belong to different races. In conclusion,
people
 can learn many rituals by working with them
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
multinational companies as they can closely study the
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of locals but there are other ways
such
 as
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 in my opinion, I think working in a worldwide organization is the best way to get close to
other’s
Change noun form
other
show examples
 cultures as it can be done easily by any person who doesn’t have a strong
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
 background to travel.
Submitted by gaya3edirisinghe on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the logical flow of ideas throughout the essay. While you have provided an introduction and conclusion, the development of ideas could be improved with better use of linking words and clearer paragraph structures.
task achievement
Be sure to address the question directly and maintain focus on the topic. Provide clear positions throughout the essay and ensure that each paragraph supports your overall point of view.
lexical resource
Diversify your vocabulary by using a range of synonyms and less common phrases. This can be especially impactful when discussing cultures and international experiences.
grammatical range
To improve your score in grammatical range, use a variety of complex sentence structures and make use of different tenses and voice where applicable. Proofread to eliminate any grammatical errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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