e diagram below give information about the manufacture of frozen fish pies. Summarise the main information and make comparison where relevant.
The diagrams provide data on the process of the production of frozen fish pies from
the
industrial manufacture to Correct article usage
apply
the
distribution.
The basic preparation of Correct article usage
apply
potatoes
is conducted soon after they are carried to the factories by trucks, which takes less than a month. After the workers get rid of the dirt from the potatoes
, they are peeled and sliced into small pieces with a knife. Then
, they are placed in a deep pan to boil. Those boiled potatoes
are later spread over and chilled for a while
until they are cooled enough to get stored in a bag.
Regarding the fresh salmons, they arrive faster than the potatoes
within 12 hours. First,
the workers add some taste to the delivered salmons with lemon juice and salt and bake them in the steam oven. Secondly
, they go through multiple human checks to remove skins and bones to ensure their safety. Lastly
, prepared peas and sauces are included in the potatoes
and the salmons to finalize the process as they are all wrapped up and frozen to wait for dispatch.Submitted by mizuho_kondo117 on
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words potatoes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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