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Band 4.5

Individuals cannot alleviate the poverty that exists in the world; it is the responsibility of governments. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#individuals #poverty #world #responsibility #governments
Nowadays,
poverty
 is a big issue and problem in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the co
untries
Correct your spelling
countries
entries
,
this
 problem must be solved so that
people
 will have a better life.
However
othe
Correct your spelling
other
people
 believe that
government
 should help the
people
 who are in need or less fortunate
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
i
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I
show examples
 will agree that
government
 should support the
people
 that in
poverty
Add an article
the poverty
show examples
 line. Some
people
, including me, believe that
government
 should help and support the
people
 who are less fortunate
,
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apply
show examples
 because it can
reaaly
Correct your spelling
really
 boost
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 confidence and morale to do more and work hard in
order
 to have
income
Add an article
the income
show examples
 to support
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 family. The assistance of the
government
 is crucial to
this
 kind of individual.
For instance
, if
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 have no food to eat or no money at all, some of these
people
is
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are
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 desperate and
then
 they do bad moves, like robbery or stealing
..
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.
...
show examples
In addition
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should give free education to the children of
this
Change the determiner
this person
these people
show examples
people
 under
poverty
Add an article
the poverty
show examples
 line, because
this individual
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these individuals
show examples
 cannot afford to bring
ther
Correct your spelling
their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 to school.
On the other hand
,
people
 should not rely entirely on the
government
 and should constantly request assistance. Individuals should put in a lot of effort and consider all available options to supplement their family's income in
order
 to ensure their survival and ability to accumulate funds for the future.
For instance
, if these
people
 lack
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
formal education, the
government
 offers a number of free vocational courses that they can take to earn another degree and find employment with a respectable wage. Anyone can assist the area in
this
 way. In my view,
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 should first help
themeselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
 to get out of the
poverty
 line,
this
 individual should have a solid plan on how to have extra revenue in
order
 to maintain
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 family.
Government
 should assist these types of parents in providing free education for their children in
order
 to lessen their burden.
Submitted by rubenellaurino on

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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