Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages?

#media #age #groups #information #websites #risks

There is no doubt that online entertainment sites nowadays are becoming a major source of attraction. They are

well liked

Add a hyphen

well-liked

show examples

by all the

people

belonging to different age groups.

While

they are becoming quite popular in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society, they

also

carry some risks if we

are sharing

Wrong verb form

show examples

our personal

data

with them. In

this

essay, I will discuss the benefits and drawbacks and explain why the benefits outweigh the drawbacks with examples.

Firstly

, it is common knowledge that these online sites require us to share our sensitive

data

This

has a risk attached to it.

For instance

, they might share your personal

data

with a

third party

Add a hyphen

third-party

show examples

institution without your consent.

However

due to

the latest government policies for

data

privacy and protection which are stringent in nature, many companies have started implementing strict security protocols and laws. If the government feels that a company is breaching the security code, it can

then

impose heavy fines on that particular social

media

site.

Secondly

, many

people

nowadays are using social

media

as a tool to earn money. These

people

are called influencers and they earn by uploading motivational videos and images.

In addition

, these sites are an excellent way

for communicating

Change preposition

to communicate

show examples

as we can send a message to someone or even attend a video conference from a remote location.

Furthermore

, If we want to monetize our

business

, all we need to do is advertise the

business

information on social

media

For example

, creating a

business

page, explaining how the

business

will help others and how

people

can contribute to it. In conclusion,

although

sharing sensitive

data

with online applications carries a certain amount of risk, I believe the advantages of using social

media

effectively, outnumber the disadvantages and risks.

Submitted by mohanishmasdekar on Wed Mar 08 2023

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Task Response: The response addresses all parts of the task, presents a well-developed and well-organized argument.

Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a good overall coherence and cohesion with a clear structure. The logical flow of ideas and use of linking words is effective. However, there is scope for improvement in maintaining a consistent formal tone.

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

288 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages?

More and more people want to buy clothes, cars and other items with famous brands. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative development?

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Some think dangerous extreme sports such as skydiving and rock climbing should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Sample Question 01 (Discuss both views) : In many countries, young adults are engaged in some kinds of work. Some people regard this as completely wrong. Others consider it as a valuable experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. Discuss both views.