IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

*The dangers and complexities of the modern world have made the mobile phone an absolute necessity for children* *To what extent do you agree or disagree?* Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge

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Nowadays, many
children
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 are using mobile
phones
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 in our modern world. In my opinion,
this
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 has had a harmful effect in three main areas. The first area is using a mobile phone from an early age. Supporters of globalization would argue that using mobile
phones
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 is the most convenient way for
parents
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 to get relaxed.
While
Linking Words
this
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 may be true to some extent, some
parents
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 accustom their
children
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 to make use of gadgets for a long time.
This
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 means that they give them their
phones
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 where
children
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 can play a variety of games and watch cartoons. It grafts an addiction to
phones
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 strongly. If
children
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 apply gadgets, they will not distract their
parents
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. In consequence, it simplifies
parents
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' lives.
This
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 brings me to my second point. It is sometimes said that
phones
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 help teenagers or
children
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 to find the necessary information on the internet for their school projects.
This
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 may be true.
However
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, the majority of students don't use their
phones
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 as a source of information. I would argue that they usually sit on social networks or play games. If
children
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 had an addiction to mobile
phones
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, they would degrade.
This
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 can be seen by the fact that a lot of teenagers don't want to get new knowledge or be interested in something.  
Thirdly
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, many
children
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 do not have parental control over their
phones
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.
For instance
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, there can be shown inappropriate videos or pictures with violent content.
This
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 has an adverse effect on kids because it may break their psyches. In conclusion, there are many pluses and minuses of globalization and the appearance of mobile
phones
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 for the young generation.
Nevertheless
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, I believe that
parents
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 will encourage their kids to use
phones
Use synonyms
 limitedly and rationally.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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