IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

*The dangers and complexities of the modern world have made the mobile phone an absolute necessity for children* *To what extent do you agree or disagree?* Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge

#*the #dangers #complexities #world #phone #necessity #children* #*to
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, many
children
 are using mobile
phones
 in our modern world. In my opinion,
this
 has had a harmful effect in three main areas. The first area is using a mobile phone from an early age. Supporters of globalization would argue that using mobile
phones
 is the most convenient way for
parents
 to get relaxed.
While
this
 may be true to some extent, some
parents
 accustom their
children
 to make use of gadgets for a long time.
This
 means that they give them their
phones
 where
children
 can play a variety of games and watch cartoons. It grafts an addiction to
phones
 strongly. If
children
 apply gadgets, they will not distract their
parents
. In consequence, it simplifies
parents
' lives.
This
 brings me to my second point. It is sometimes said that
phones
 help teenagers or
children
 to find the necessary information on the internet for their school projects.
This
 may be true.
However
, the majority of students don't use their
phones
 as a source of information. I would argue that they usually sit on social networks or play games. If
children
 had an addiction to mobile
phones
, they would degrade.
This
 can be seen by the fact that a lot of teenagers don't want to get new knowledge or be interested in something.  
Thirdly
, many
children
 do not have parental control over their
phones
.
For instance
, there can be shown inappropriate videos or pictures with violent content.
This
 has an adverse effect on kids because it may break their psyches. In conclusion, there are many pluses and minuses of globalization and the appearance of mobile
phones
 for the young generation.
Nevertheless
, I believe that
parents
 will encourage their kids to use
phones
 limitedly and rationally.
Submitted by Alua on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: