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Writing Samples
Band 5

Recent reserch suggests that the majority of criminals who are sent to prison commit crimes after they are released. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this problem?

Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that most
crime
Replace the word
criminal
show examples
 offenders keep doing criminal activities even after they are out of prison. In
this
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 essay, I will explore the reasons and possible solutions to
this
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 phenomenon.
Firstly
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, I will discuss why societies do not accept ex-criminals in their environment
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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secondly
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, I will offer some solutions in terms of rehabilitation to the societies. One of the reasons why ex-prisoners fall out of the crime circle is
because
Change preposition
that
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 societies tend
to not
Correct word order
not to
show examples
 accept those
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
people,
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 even if it was an insignificant crime.
For
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this
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 reason,
people
Use synonyms
 who committed crimes often received a refusal from employers, their own families and friends.
Due to
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 all these factors, those who are released might think that the best way to sustain their life is to re-offend in order to return to their relatives. Another cause could be related to the psychological side.
For example
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, there are ex-criminals who have enough funds to resume their lives
,
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;
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however
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,
due to
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 their nature, they might continue to offend. There are some solutions to
this
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 matter.
Firstly
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, the government should introduce programs for the rehabilitation and reintegration of new convicts. Another way to reduce the number of recidivism is to change an individual's mindset.
This
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 can be done by understanding that some convicts should have a second chance to change.
For instance
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, there are support groups which could help those
people
Use synonyms
 to reintegrate into their previous life. In conclusion, if these methods are put into action, the number of offenders will eventually decrease.
It is clear that
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 it depends on the attitude of the individuals, especially the relatives of those who are released and the actions of
authorities
Correct article usage
the authorities
show examples
.

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Coherence/Development
Plan your essay with a clear idea in each paragraph. Have one main point per paragraph with one example.
Coherence
Use simple sign posts like 'First', 'Next', 'Also', 'But', 'In conclusion' to join ideas.
Content
Give a real example or facts to support each point.
Lexical
Use only easy words and short sentences. Check word choice and avoid hard phrases.
Grammar
Read and fix grammar and link sentences to be smoother.
Structure
The essay has a clear plan with intro, body, and conclusion.
Content
It talks about both causes and fixes.
Lexical
It uses the idea of recidivism in a good way.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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