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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the change in ownerships of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in housholds in oun country between 1920 to 2019.

The charts below show the change in ownerships of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in housholds in oun country between 1920 to 2019.
#show #change #ownerships #appliances #amount #time #housework #housholds #oun #country
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The charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the percentages of
houshold
Correct your spelling
household
households
 with electrical
gatgets
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gadgets
 and
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of hours of
houswork
Correct your spelling
housework
 per week in
houshold
Correct your spelling
household
households
 from 1920 to 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, the percentage of
applicance
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applicants
appliance
 that has
changes
Change the verb form
changed
show examples
 the most is refrigerator
follow
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
 by
vacuum
Add an article
a vacuum
the vacuum
show examples
 cleaner. These
Correct your spelling
households
housholds
Correct your spelling
households experience
experice
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experience
 a remarkable increase meanwhile the
proportion
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the proportion
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 of washing machine has steady constant.
However
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 country, the tendency of the time spent
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
houswork
Correct your spelling
housework
 in a week has declined over the period of time. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the line chart, the percentage of refrigerator
usages
Fix the agreement mistake
usage
show examples
 remarkably
incresed
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increased
 from the bottom
neary
Correct your spelling
nearly
 0% at the beginning to 90% in 1960
then
Linking Words
Add a missing verb
was steady
show examples
steady
Change the word
steadily
show examples
 constant at 100%
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1980 up to the end of the period.
As well as
Linking Words
 the proportion of vacuum cleaner owners that has a dramatical growth from 30% at the initial to 100% in 2000.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the volume of washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 experienced the least
flutuation
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fluctuation
, it
slighly
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slightly
 rose from 40% in 1920 to 70% in 1960 and
staeadily
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steadily
 went
uo
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up
 to approximately 75% in 2019.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, the amount of time for housework in a week considerably declined from 50% in 1920 to 20% in 1960 and continue gradually
dropped
Wrong verb form
dropping
show examples
 until reached the bottom
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 10% in 2019.
Submitted by jeanbabyfrog on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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