In order for the world to be a 'greener' place, punishments and fines for environmentally unfriendly acts committed by individuals need to be more severe. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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As human
Fix the agreement mistake
beings

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being
Add a comma
,being

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase As human being. Consider adding a comma.

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everyone should be responsible to protect the ecosystem and
this
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green, non-polluted environment
gradually
Add a missing verb
is gradually

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reduced
due to
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humans' unpleasant events.
This
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is said that the
punishments
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and money for illegal activities should be more strict and harsh to punish people who harm the environment. I completely agree with the statement, because natural
resources
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diminish significantly and little punishes and
fines
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help to speed up the damage rate.
Firstly
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, in
this
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contemporary
era
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,era

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in this contemporary era. Consider adding a comma.

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the number of natural
resources
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is decreasing drastically.
According to
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the growing population requirement amount
of
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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lands
Fix the agreement mistake
land

It seems that lands may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and
shelter
Fix the agreement mistake
shelters

It seems that shelter may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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rapidly rise and deforestation has
also
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chronologically grown.
Additionally
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, consume water percentage is 0.1% and most living beings are unable to use the huge amounts of marine aqua.
Although
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

industrialization is polluting pure water continuously, it is available in minimum amounts.
Such
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as, many
researches
Change the wording
types of research
pieces of research
kinds of research

It appears that researches is an uncountable noun and should not be made plural. Consider changing the noun.

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revealed that polluted water contains
a considerable levels
Correct the article-noun agreement
considerable levels
a considerable level

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun levels in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

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of mercury and it is
direct
Replace the word
directly

The word direct doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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affects humans and animals.
Therefore
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, valuable limited
resources
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should be protected by punishing responsible individuals in the proper manner.
Secondly
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the available
punishments
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are not adequate to control the situation. There are many rules,regulations and
fines
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provided by environmental protection organizations,
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Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

however
Add a comma
,however

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those are not standard and not activated practically.
Furthermore
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, individuals do not care about insufficient
fines
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and the political impacts protect them unfairly. As an example, illegal cement factory owners get permission from politicians to produce even if emitting poisonous gasses into the atmosphere.
Thus
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, all
fines
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and
punishments
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should be harsh and powerful. In conclusion, Global green cover should protect and people who damage the ecosystem must be punished with severe
punishments
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. I totally agree with the harsh
punishments
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, because limited natural
resources
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are diminishing permanently and available
fines
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are inadequate to control the situation.

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