In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Every day, millions of
people
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go out
to do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
shopping, it is an activity that you can do
everywhere
Rephrase
anywhere
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, alone or with some friends and there are many kinds of research which explain how
this
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thing can relax the body and mind. Some
years
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ago, “shopping” was considered merely buying groceries, but in these
years
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is more than
this
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, and for many
people
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shopping is a lifestyle. In
this
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essay,I will discuss why I strongly believe
this
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is a negative trend for society It is hard to believe that our grandmother used to go into supermarkets to do shopping, but 60
years
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ago
this
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was normal. In the past, there was more lack of money and families
can’t
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couldn’t
show examples
waste
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
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on expensive clothes. Parents and their children only had one pair of shoes which was supposed to be for several
years
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, especially for
this
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poverty situation the dressing market that today, all we know didn’t exist yet. My grandfather told me that his parents were the most grateful
people
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when they
can
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could
show examples
get fresh meals for lunch or dinner. These days
people
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struggle with the quantity of money they can spend, but for someone, there is always one chance to buy a new dress. Capitalism is a reality that we have to coexist, there are a lot of facilities that every day send to shopping centres all the types of clothing or tools. Because the word “shopping”, does not refer only to items that we put on, but
also
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to all the things that can be unuseful, but which we still buy. I think that
this
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is a bad habit, especially nowadays, when the environment has to face some difficulties. Unfortunately, a lot of
people
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waste their money on items that they never dress or use only two times, and now we have to think before buying something because all of
this
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consumerism is a really big danger for all of us.
To conclude
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, over the
years
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the way we think about shopping is changed and
this
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essay
discussed
Wrong verb form
discusses
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some reasons why
this
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happens and I presented my opinion about how much
this
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is not a positive trend, because of the risks for society and the environment.
Submitted by robertasottile.rbst on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure and coherence in presenting ideas. The introduction and conclusion are weak and the main points are not effectively supported.
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The essay partially responds to the task, but the ideas presented are not fully developed and lack relevant examples and comprehensive reasoning.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • retail therapy
  • materialism
  • disposable income
  • economic growth
  • financial instability
  • environmental impact
  • social interaction
  • community building
  • emotional satisfaction
  • advertising influence
  • shopping habits
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