In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #hobby #trend

Every day, millions of

people

go out

to do

Verb problem

apply

show examples

shopping, it is an activity that you can do

everywhere

Rephrase

anywhere

show examples

, alone or with some friends and there are many kinds of research which explain how

this

thing can relax the body and mind. Some

years

ago, “shopping” was considered merely buying groceries, but in these

years

is more than

this

, and for many

people

shopping is a lifestyle. In

this

essay,I will discuss why I strongly believe

this

is a negative trend for society It is hard to believe that our grandmother used to go into supermarkets to do shopping, but 60

years

ago

this

was normal. In the past, there was more lack of money and families

can’t

Wrong verb form

couldn’t

show examples

waste

them

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

on expensive clothes. Parents and their children only had one pair of shoes which was supposed to be for several

years

, especially for

this

poverty situation the dressing market that today, all we know didn’t exist yet. My grandfather told me that his parents were the most grateful

people

when they

can

Wrong verb form

could

show examples

get fresh meals for lunch or dinner. These days

people

struggle with the quantity of money they can spend, but for someone, there is always one chance to buy a new dress. Capitalism is a reality that we have to coexist, there are a lot of facilities that every day send to shopping centres all the types of clothing or tools. Because the word “shopping”, does not refer only to items that we put on, but

also

to all the things that can be unuseful, but which we still buy. I think that

this

is a bad habit, especially nowadays, when the environment has to face some difficulties. Unfortunately, a lot of

people

waste their money on items that they never dress or use only two times, and now we have to think before buying something because all of

this

consumerism is a really big danger for all of us.

To conclude

, over the

years

the way we think about shopping is changed and

this

essay

discussed

Wrong verb form

discusses

show examples

some reasons why

this

happens and I presented my opinion about how much

this

is not a positive trend, because of the risks for society and the environment.

Submitted by robertasottile.rbst on Wed Mar 08 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay lacks a clear structure and coherence in presenting ideas. The introduction and conclusion are weak and the main points are not effectively supported.

task achievement

The essay partially responds to the task, but the ideas presented are not fully developed and lack relevant examples and comprehensive reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

367 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Fully explain your ideas

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the healthcare system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Information technology is changing many aspects of our lives and now dominates our home, leisure and work activities. To what extent do the benefits of information technology outweigh the disadvantages?

In spite of advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem?

In some areas of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?