IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

People living in large cities have to face many problems in everyday life. What are those problems? Should the government encourage people to move to regional towns? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#people #cities #face #life #government #move #towns
Living in both big
cities
 and regional
towns
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own advantages and disadvantages.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 regional
towns
 are small and provide a simple lifestyle, I still think that large
cities
 offer a better lifestyle and much better facilities. It is true that regional
towns
 have a simpler lifestyle and are not completely industrialized, which leads to a better environment and healthier
people
. Some
people
 say that large
cities
 have a few problems like traffic and high population. I,
however
, believe that the advantages of living in a big city, completely outweigh the disadvantages.
Firstly
, Due
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 modernisation and globalisation of industries, various multinational companies look for employees and are usually situated in urban areas.
People
 move from rural areas to urban
towns
 to look for employment with higher salaries
as well as
 international exposure.
Secondly
,
cities
 have a vast network of transportation available which is more frequent and comfortable for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
commuters. Many
people
 from small
towns
 transit through big
cities
 for inter-state or international
travels
Fix the agreement mistake
travel
show examples
.
Lastly
, large
towns
 provide better accommodation for
people
 with better living facilities. They have huge buildings with many apartments which are very well structured. These buildings
also
 have
facilites
Correct your spelling
facilities
 like
gym
Correct article usage
a gym
show examples
, pools, grocery shops
e.t.c
Correct your spelling
etc
. so that residents don't have to travel far.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 is why, when
people
 move from small
towns
, it is easier for them to rent a room
according to
 their budget and requirements. In conclusion,
While
 I strongly believe that one should visit regional
towns
 from time to time to freshen up their mind and body, I completely disagree with the fact that
people
 should be encouraged by the government to permanently move to these areas .
Submitted by shwetapanchal172 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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