Many people say that globalisation and the growing number of multinational companies have a negative effect on the environment. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
These days, the environmental issue is one the major concerns of the public and most
people
think that both globalisation and the increasing number
of international companies bring a negative impact to our planet and I totally agree with their opinions due to
several reasons.
Among all of the reasons, the first reason popping into my mind is that people
travel more and more under globalisation and they produce a large amount of waste while
using different transport. For instance
, more cheap flights are available in our society and people
are able to travel to different places around the world easily at low costs. With the increased number
of people
who travel by aeroplane, more aircraft are needed and more fossil fuels are burnt.This
,in turn, creates more carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases in the air. Given that greenhouse gases trap heat in the atmosphere, burning more fossil fuels during transportation may lead to global warming.
Another reason is that there is insufficient land to cater for the needs of the increased number
of international factories and companies. In order to create more places for the companies to expand , large-scale deforestation and land reclamation are needed over
the world and these actions are harmful to our homes. Green plants and trees are able to absorb carbon dioxide when they undergo photosynthesis. As fewer trees are left after deforestation, more carbon dioxide are left in the atmosphere and Rephrase
all over
this
leads to serious air pollution problem in the city. Also
, during the process of reclamation, different kinds of waste are dumped into the ocean and
affecting the water quality of our homeland Correct word choice
apply
as well as
the home of all ocean features.
In conclusion, I totally agree that both globalisation and the growing number
of multinational businesses have negative impacts on the environment.Submitted by jenniferkw0726 on
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task response
The essay addresses the prompt adequately but lacks depth and development in some areas. Make sure to provide a more nuanced exploration of the topic and include a clear thesis statement. Consider addressing the opposing viewpoint to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is generally well-maintained, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, there are opportunities to further develop the essay's coherence and cohesion by improving the flow of ideas within paragraphs and between different points.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, but there is room for enhancement in the use of more precise and varied lexical resources. Aim to incorporate more academic and domain-specific vocabulary related to the environment, globalisation, and multinational companies.
grammatical range
The grammatical range is adequate, but there are instances of inaccurate word choice, awkward phrasing, and punctuation errors. Work on refining sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy for a more polished and proficient expression of ideas.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite